So my oldest son is now 18. On the day he turned 16 I was diagnosed with cancer, treatable but not curable.
Up until this point he had no troubles at all, he has ADHD but was medicated, doing well, had a vague career plan for after school.
He did really well in his GCSEs and signed up for college, got an apprenticeship. However within months he dropped out. No interest in that line of work anymore. Smoking weed and doing other drugs, climbing out the window at night to avoid the Ring doorbell etc. I was by now mid chemo and honestly could have done without it, but tried so hard to offer support. I went to the GP with him, tried to get him engaged in RipRap and support but he was not interested.
Just before he turned 17 we were going away for a few days, he opted not to come but was staying at home alone. But the day before we went I found cocaine is his room. We had a much younger child too and this was absolutely horrifying for me. We had a big row and I insisted he would not be allowed to stay home now and needed to go and stay with his nan. (Ex's mum)
He went and has opted to not return, he's now lived there for a year and a bit. In that time he has got and lost 2 jobs, not worked for long periods, dropped out of college again, had several casual girlfriends. He has basically done nothing. He has stopped his ADHD medication and won't restart it. He used weed on a heavy basis and now he is 18 drinks a lot too.
He has developed depression, I took him to the GP and he took meds for a while, but has now decided to stop and says he is fine. His ADHD meds are no longer available as he has been removed from adult mental health due to missing an appointment and they won't speak to me as he is an adult.
He has no aim, no drive, he barely gets up and won't work unless his nan or I take him. He doesn't manage money, owes people all the time. I am so so worried that he will never wake up and get a real job or take pride in himself again. I don't know what else I can possibly to do help him when he resists all help. His Nan has given him a final warning as he got so trashed he fell and smashed her telly and hasn't paid it back. I've offered for him to come home but ss the deal breaker is no drugs in my home he won't do it and is talking about the homeless hostel if she kicks him out.
I am just devastated that he is like this, he's so clever and kind, my cancer has just pushed him off a cliff edge I can't pull him up from, he needs to do it himself but nothing any of us say or do seems to get through