DRINKING!!! IM VERY ANGRY!!

[nuttymumx]

HI all, will cut long story short,as im worn out with the stress of it all!! ive 2 dds 14 n 16,n ds of 2!!
dd was grounded 4 1 month came home 1 hour late 1 nite n drunk!!
i said my piece explained the dangers of outside n dirty ol men all of that so she was fully aware!!
anyway the grounding was up yesterday,she left with 2 friends n my 14 yr dd.14 yr old came home!! could smell drink on her as i opened street door!!
so i knew then that my other dd must also still be out drinking!! told the 14 yr old i want the full story,she explained 1 of the girls they was with bought cider so they allwent 2 the park n drank it!!
so i txt my 16 yr old 2 come hme!! did she no she didnt, im alone no dh..so i rang her dad n told him n said you best tell her to come home!!
He did,but she gave it the big 1 o u tell mum im not coming home tonite!!
well on went my coat n out i went looking 4 her!! my blood boiling by now as ive had 2 leave dd 14 with my ds 2..
went everywhere no sign of her. 9pm 10pm 11pm.still no sign so out i go again, i then walk up this hill and im very ill at mo with very bad bk; depression, tabs 4 my nerves which she is aware of due to other stuff!!so now im struggling walking i turn around n then she is behind me laughing n skipping 2wards me!!
well i cant repeat wat i said n wat i called her!! she then htought it funny to run off staggering as she was drunk, so i called police who went looking 4 her no sign!!
she strolled in at 3.30am this morning not giving a shit excuse my expression!!
i did not deal with her there n then,but waited till later, i was calm n explained 2 her not only did you put urself in danger u also put the 14 yr old in danger,n what got to me most it was her 1st day out from getting drunk the last time i stuck 2 it n kept her in a month, but im really not sure what kind of punishment i should give this time,as it made no diff last time,they both went against me,ive taken the comp away away aswell.so no msn or anything!!plz help as i really dont know how im to deal with this

No advice, but bumping for you. Someone may be along with more experience soon.

PS: I find text-speak far too difficult to wade through and lost it half way Sorry.

3.30am god no wonder your blood was boiling, she sounds completely thoughtless. Is it their friends influence?

I wonder if the police would help, if you "reported" them for drinking? short sharp shock, that kinda thing? I don't have teenagers though so no proper advice. I'm sure someone will be along soon who's been through this very thing.

thanx guys police did nothing to help

I too find the text spea hard to understand it does seem that shes behaving very bdly i too have a 14 yr old who NEVER drinks he doesnt enjoy it ,all i cn assume as you give the impression that this is a newish problem is that you and your dh join forces and instil discipline this isnt neccesarily about being grounded you could treat her s the child she is behaving like early bedtimes no treats etc etc.....why is she behaving like this? is it a new set of friends? can u steer her awy from them? can u spend some time with her one to one basis?
is there something shes desperate for that you can give her points towrds rather like teenagers star chart?.

when shes not drunk how is your relationship? can you make any positive steps towrds reconciling any issues?

I may be overstepping the mark and plese believe i mean no offence but how is your relationship with her dad? children need a united parental front and that coupled with your ill health and depression could be encouraging this self destructive behaviour in your daughter.

Can i say as well i dont think that reporting her to the police is positive move.

Where do they get the money for booze?

alcohol is much cheaper thn it was when we were young you can buy a bottle of vodka for under £7 when u think kids/teenagers are chrged £1 for a small bottle of coke if they all 'dosh up' a bottle of vodka is easily bought same with bottles of cider- a litre of white rum is under £11 and it dont take much to get a young 6 stone teenager sozzled

Do you know the friends, and more importantly, the parents of the friends?

This is where you need to get the parents on your side. Are they aware of the fact that their children are out on the streets drinking? If not, they need to be told.

The money supply needs to stop.
All privileges need to be withdrawn and earned back. The rules for withdrawal and reinstatement need to be very clear.

The rules need to be explained and agreed and upheld by you and your DH. The united front is the most important thing here.

I had a written contract for DS1. He led me a merry dance from the age of about 14, so I really do feel for you. Ds2 is a completely different character thank goodness. DS1 is 19 now and is much more sensible and mature, but it was very hard.

Teenagers are very hard work, I really sympathise.

oh no no retype oyur messgae wint none of tha friggin text speak

This is what my DD (14) says:
'because you grounded dd for like a month when the grounding is over she is going to be ped off because being grounded for a month is like a long time for a teenager and a whole month for a teenager with no msn do you really understand what that is like so when the grounding is over they are going to be ped off and more likely to retaliate by doing it again.
so they are teenagers now so they are going to be infulenced to drink and to be honest there is nothing you can really do about it because all her friends are going to be peer pressuring her so unless she is really strong she is going to join in.

it's not very helpful but unfortunately it's true'. sorry babe! xoxoxox

i think the moral of what my dd has just said is - try not to get into a tit-for-tat fight: the more you try to control them the more they will try to break free, the harder the punishment the more they will flaunt their 'freedom' when they get it. Not sure where that leaves you right now - maybe less anger and outrage and more of a Deal/setting realistic and reasonable boundaries?