Parent Slander

[AbigailO]

I have googled myself witless for advice on this issue. But there is nothing to describe the problem I have.....
My teen has two close friends. Lovely kids. I love them dearly.
But their parents (for some reason beyond me) keep casting doubt on my kids character. My kid is a good kid, bright, well behaved, respected at school. Just like their two pals. But unlike the friends, who have parents that helicopter and repress, my kid is allowed to express themselves in the way they dress, their hobbies and interests. I get that the other parents might be jealous or fearful about letting go or any number of things. I get that their hang ups are nothing to do with us.
But lately, reports have been coming back via my kid that the other parents are asking about drugs and suicide potential. As if my kid was some kind of disease to be caught. There is nothing in our world/orbit to remotely suggest such a thing. Its insane.
I know that I am supposed to stay calm, model the behaviour I want my kid to have (laugh it off, who cares about their opinion).
But seriously, is this what we are doing now??? Casting doubt over other people's children's mental state simply for dressing a certain way?
If this was you and you had heard that other parents were spreading the idea your kid might be a suicide risk, what would you do?
None of them are on social media so I get too that people might be very cocooned in their thinking and utterly terrified of the big bad world out there.
Its just the basic principle of bad-mouthing your child's friends.

What does your kid think about it? How does he tell you?

I'd say they have some concerns that your child might not be OK.

That's very kind of them.

sounds like they have worries about your child, I expect there are reasons for this. Why don't you contact them in a non confrontational way and ask?

Perhaps I didn't explain it very well. Theirs is not concern for my kid.
The parents are socially excluding my kid because they don't fit in with their preconceived notions of what constitutes a "proper" way to dress or behave.

I know from a post on the internet no-one can have a clue what the actual situation is and I can totally see that everyone would think in a concerning way (which is lovely of you all), think....."maybe there is an issue YOU cant see". But that isn't it.

Its more like my kid is being purposefully ostracised for not wearing the right brands, shopping in the right places, following at the latest trends....
If I had said "Parents are ridiculing my kid because we don't shop at Urban Outfitters" or "Because they bought something black and second hand off Vinted" this equals they are a suicidal Emo kid, would you think differently?
Would you let someone judge the whole person your child is, simply from the way they look??

Its more like the kids are being warned off my kid for their differences.....discrimination basically.

If it was the colour of their skin, their religion, their social class, their gender identity......would you be angry then?

Would you just be stoic and smile calmly?
If you take it as gospel that there is no concern - and that its just parents bad-mouthing my kid for their differences, what then?

My kid says they are ok with it (good) and that it doesn't bother them (good) but I see that it does and being "pushed out" and "labelled" is getting them down.

How are we ever going to raise respectful, accepting, caring adults if as parents we go around slagging off other people's children?

What is your child doing/wearing that concerns them?

In all honesty, I'd wonder if I was missing something of real concern re my dc if I'd heard that.

It would be so unusual for someone to assume a child was at risk of suicide just for dressing a bit different. Parents in their 40s will remember the goth and emo trends. It isn't the 50s!

So I'd actually be asking why they're raising these concerns

Is this just hating on goths and assuming they're all suicidal and self harming? Or is it coming from conversations with your child?

It translates as your child being allowed to do whatever he wants and the other kids are complaining to their parents that your child can do this that and the other but the can't because of the boundaries their parents have.

Parents think that you don't care about what your child gets up to and are concerned .