Please advise me, do I ask him to leave? Ds19

[Totallybannanas]

He is vulnerable, Neuro divergent, mental health issues, doesn't go college or work etc. I have had 3 years of hell, he has calmed down in some ways as he was smoking weed daily. He still does now and then, but more worrying he has starting vaping THC. I have warned him if he brings, any drugs in my house he is to leave. He got paid Monday, been out for two full days, home late and violently sick in the night. I have y seen him but guessed it was weed. Today I noticed his eyes glassy and him smiling, I asked to check his vape and he has refused. I have asked him to hand it over for me to check or for him to leave. He is refusing. He is starting to get agitated, swearing what do I do? I can't allow it in my house and for him to do it under my nose. If I kick him out, I am scared of what else he may do he is already threatening.

How horrible for you. Are you the only adults in the house?

Is he under adult social services?

No he isn't under adult social services. He had a EHC plan at school but dropped out at 18. I have had no help all support at all. He needs to consent to everything now he is 19? And I don't know how to help him, when he won't help himself. He can be manipulative too, so I find it hard to know how much he can help and how much is just him trying control and play the situation. He will struggle to find a job, but he isn't even trying and has no interest in college because he won't get money.

He acts like he is 15/16 going out every day hanging at his friends. He doesn't work and the job centre have not pushed him into any training like I thought they might.

I have another 16 year old in the house. I can't sit there and let him vape drugs in my house. He has now gone out threatening to do other drugs etc. i am scared when he comes back. I don't what to kick him out but what do you do?

Currently scared of both my sons going in this direction. Both out of school, "in town" every day, obsessed with money but with no qualifications or job prospects.

I don't have advice, sorry, just solidarity.

At some point they have to be in charge of their own lives ... leaving them without a home - a safe place - doesn't help them. But what if they don't respect that home and the people in it? So tough.

I ended up locking him out when he went to the shops. I asked him again to hand over his vapes for me to check. He didn't at first, he was ringing, Knocking, texting horrible messages but I kept calm and consistent. Eventually he did, I think he vapes all the juice when he was out. I warned him if I suspected again I would check and if he doesn't hand any drugs over I will ask him to leave. I was terrified, he would not give in and sleep on the streets.

I understand. It is so so hard. And there is so little support out there. A lot of people just do not get how it is living like that.

I have a teen a bit younger who is similar and mixes drugs and alcohol, along with weed taking and vaping. My teen now does not live with me. I cant keep my teen safe from choices they are making and I am not safe from my teen.

If you do not feel safe you can call ASC for you and separately for him. It sounds like he might benefit from a social worker. You can also have a carers assessment through them.

There are some places you might be able to get support listed on this webpage.

www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/drugs-and-alcohol/#Usefulhelplinesandwebsites

Could you make appointment with doctor and explain the situation Dr may be able to offer advice, or ask if they can give you number for mental health so you can at least speak to someone and get advice. If hes being aggressive and your scared ring police, not saying it will make him think but it may do, especially if he's aggressive to them and they put him in a cell for a few hours. It's hard I know, but you can't put up with that behaviour and he will get no better unless he gets help from somewhere.