Found a vape in 15 yo room

[Jezzabelle]

I know it’s rife amongst teenagers, but I just found a vape in teenage DD room, buried at the bottom of bits on a shelf. I was looking for a bathroom product that has vanished! She’s at school now but how can I talk to her about this? WWYD?

What is your relationship with her like? I would just sit DS down and talk through the health implications and set down my rules - ie no vaping in the house. I’d also question how/where the vape was bought.

@IncognitoUsername thank you. We have always been close, but she is deeply teenaged atm!! She’s lacking empathy (which isn’t her character), lies and is obsessed with her phone. Her friends are her world. However, I can certainly sit her down and talk to her. She is quite sensitive and doesn’t like to disappoint. I will talk about the health implications. Just not sure whether to “punish” her as well, like stop her allowance (I only give her £10 a month but she works too so can still afford to buy another vape if she chooses to- I have confiscated the one I found). I don’t live with her dad and she’d hate me to tell him, but due to her age I think maybe I should. Ultimately I just want to protect her from getting hooked long term, but I guess that’s what we all want!

When I was in this situation (although I discovered a Polaroid picture with a vape in his hand), I started off by having a calm conversation to establish the extent of his usage and to talk through all the reasons why it is a bad idea. Of course he underplayed it all. I then decided to monitor him more closely, ask more questions, tighten his curfew, encourage and promote other activities rather than "hanging around."

When I discovered a vape in the house. We had another chat and he admitted he had vaped in the house. So I thanked him for the honesty. But set a clear boundary. No vapes in the house. If I discovered one, or found out he had vaped in any other way, strict restrictions on going out and allowance.

I caught him again and followed through. I am reasonably confident he doesn't vape and he at the least understands all the harns attached to it. This all happened over a period of 6 months. I always made it clear that if he felt he had an addiction he was to talk to me and I would help rather than punish.

My strategy was always to guide him towards avoiding it rather than heavily punish and alienate him. It seemed to work.

Thanks @Clarabella77 Really good advice and plenty to ponder on. I haven’t talked to her yet as it’s been a busy night and her sister has had a full day of A levels so she’s my priority this evening! I’m also monitoring whether she has noticed it’s gone. She hasn’t. I know this as she’s asked me if I can run a bath for her and if she can have a sleepover at the weekend, which I know she wouldn’t do if she thought she’d been caught! This hopefully means that she’s not using it daily, perhaps just with friends. I will find the energy to have a sit down chat tomorrow evening. I don’t think I’ll impose any punishment for this first offense, if she can show me some honesty, but will let her know that there will be going forward if anything like it happens again. Parenting teenagers can be such a minefield!