How much do your older teens contribute to the household?

[YouCantCallMeBetty]

Slightly weird phrasing I know but I mean either financially or in terms of chores etc.

We have DS 19 living at home, having finished school last summer. He hasn't applied to uni for this autumn and is planning to apply for 2025 entry.

He has a pt job on a zero hours contract where he picks up anything between 2-5 shifts a week. The rest of the time he sees friends, plays on his PlayStation or plays football. He likes cooking and will sometimes cook for the rest of us but is often on a different timetable (his job is evening work) so quite often eats dinner later than we like to.

I'm wondering whether to ask him to contribute a token amount financially from this autumn onwards to mark the end of his 'gap' year and to help him learn about household costs. We're not desperate for the money but every little bit helps and he does edge the electricity bill up with his console and TV time. Is this mean? Or sensible? I could ask him to do more round the house instead. At the moment his only chores really are the dishwasher and the bins. We don't have a cleaner or gardener so he could help out more in either domain! For context, DH and I both work full time and have another younger DC at home.

Does he do his own laundry or his share if combined? Wash his own bedding, vacuum and dust his room etc? Take turns cleaning the bathroom? I'd expect him to do his share of the housework from about 13, and contribute financially if no longer in full time education.

Having the same thought with my eldest teen.
She will earn around 800 pm was hoping she would put in around 100-150 pm.
Still leaves her a massive chunk.

17 yo ds1 vacuums the whole house once a week, cooks 1-2 times a week for the family, makes breakfast and lunch for himself and younger brother every day, clears the kitchen after dinner (though not always after he's cooked lunch!) and helps with the laundry, (although sometimes has to be reminded to do this, he can let it pile up), also changes his sheets a couple of times a week (he's a bit fussy and changes them if he has sweated at all at night).

He also helps with the garden/diy, usually with one of us, although if asked to do a job he will do it by himself if necessary.

He volunteers to do all of the above, and does them without being asked unless he forgets (see laundry). He will also generally ask if there is anything he can do to help.

Now his 14 yo brother, on the other hand...

I was paying £50 a week in 2001, £90 in today's money.

My DS paid 25% of his take home pay every month. That was bed and board. He also kept his room tidy and clean, hoovered round the house, helped Cook food and sort out the dishwasher.

He's left home now and we were amazed at how much our bills have dropped!

I would definitely charge him something, it does no harm to realise that some of your pay has to be spent on bills, it's not all fun money!

I'm not charging my teen room and board although they are earning about £2K a month - they are still doing chores - dishwasher, lawns, babysitting and I'm not paying for their clothes/fun

Thanks everyone for replies so far. To answer questions: he does hoover his own room, less so the dusting! He'll strip his bed and then I put the linens in with a general wash, he'll make it up again himself.

I'm impressed with the amount that some do, but think I've let myself down a bit by not asking him to do more before now.

DS17 in his first year of an apprenticeship. He pays £25 a week board and his own phone bill and gym membership.

He walks the dog if no one else is around to do it and cleans his own room. Will help with other chores if asked but doesn't do them off his own back

From the other side... I was at school doing GCSE's with a pt job getting only £50 per week for the first 2-3 months and my mum took £20 of that towards my keep!

When my wages went up so did my board!

The most I paid was just before I left home so £200 per month age 24 (which was cheap).

I did my own laundry, sometimes purchased my own food, cooked at least once weekly and did 'some' chores.

It's done me a favour learning there are essential costs that my mum just took! Like the rent / mortgage / utilities- they are now just taken (by a dd).

I would definitely charge board!

My 18yo dd has just finished college and started working, she'll be earning around £800 a month.

As long as I'm satisfied she's putting a decent amount into her savings account (for travelling and uni) each month I'm not asking her for money at the moment.

She pays for her car, petrol, going out, buys her own clothes and toiletries etc so other than household bills and food doesn't cost me anything.

She helps around the house by walking the dog, helps with washing up and other chores (if I prompt her.)

@YouCantCallMeBetty you are doing fine, you have not let yourself down at all, and in time (lol, it might be a while), he will be very grateful for such a loving and caring mum - he will have many points of reference with his mates to know he is well off, even if he does not voice it. I am sure there will be plenty along the line to tell you that you should take a different approach, but you need to do what feels right (and is "doable" from a money perspective) for you all. I've got four adult children, and two have moved out now, but two are still with us. I am lucky enough to have had a good career and can let them live at home rent free. I don't pay for extra stuff (gyms, phones, cars) but I do not need a contribution to my bills - I know I am lucky (and so are they !) If I needed the money I would have no hesitation to ask, and there would be no hesitation to give. Some might say that I need to "teach them a lesson" to survive in this modern world, maybe they are right. I would, however add, that they are horrendously untidy, this does get my goat a bit !!! It is great to get opinions and benchmarks on mumsnet, but just do what feels right for you and your son xx

I agree @novocaine4thesoul

Once DD had a job, I stopped paying for extras like phones, going out and clothes. She's off to uni soon and things are hard enough for that age group, without making her pay towards bills.

DS is younger and is thinking of apprenticeships rather than uni. I've said I'll treat him the same until the end of the apprenticeship then if he stays I will expect a contribution (the same as in the very unlikely event that DD comes back once she's graduated).

I think I would have had the conversation before the decision to defer was made.

Did he decide to take a year out to save up ?
Is he saving he money he earns, or is he spending it ?
If he is spending it, is it on anything sensible (like driving lessons) or just spending without anything to show for it ?

If he's saving, I wouldn't take anything from him. If he weren't, then I'd make him pay for his keep - even if it meant I was saving it up to support him next year.

But if he only gets 2 shifts some weeks, I'd be suggesting he applied elsewhere to ensure he was working a full week most weeks.

My 2 older teens are not at home full time but when they are they chip in for example: give siblings lifts/pick up drop off; help siblings with homework. Will cook if needed (we are out or busy). I leave all 4 to clean l, hoover and dust their own rooms. Occasionally they will hoover everywhere. DS2 16 always cuts the grass. Dd2 14 sometimes cooks and does the dishwasher. DS2 also always lays the table for dinner.

They strip and changed their beds but sometimes I do it if they are away. I don't want them to do their own laundry as there are too many of us and I would rather do full loads (have huge washing machine).

I don't class what they do as much but it's probably bare minimum..