Tattoo and Teen that is not mine

[outofoffice2024]

Urgh.... so my DP has a DD is 14..... I notice a tattoo on her hand (very obvious place to put it) and my DP asked about it she says 'I draw it on every day with a sharpie' DP BELIEVES her, seriously.

So 30 mins later I ask her to help me in the kitchen, rub my thumb over her tattoo and say - 'hmmm, well thats not coming off is it' she then quite happily tells me her and her friends bought a kit of the internet and did tattoos on each other in a field.....

Once she goes home, I tell my DP, who calls his ExW..... This is all ok. Then ExW tells oldest DD (18y) that I told them about the tattoo she then blabs to the youngest DD who now doesn't remotely trust me or want to talk to me. The agreement was to keep me from being the 'snitch' because youngest DD and I get on really well and she confides and trusts me - or she did.

I want his DD to be able to come to me and be honest with me. I am pretty street smart, I know the sorts of things she gets up to and I know her parents who are lovely are very naive to think their DD is perfect. But she now does not trust me....

@Cbljgdpk I didnt say I wouldnt say anything nor did I say I would. I said she needs to keep it clean and check for signs of infection. Left it at that, I wasnt trying to make a massive deal out of it, I didnt want to give it too much of a reaction.

I dont know. I need to up my step-parenting game to get through the teen years! I just am second guessing things now lol

impressive for a group of 14 year olds in a field!

Well you can’t have it both ways to be honest.

I can see where you’re coming from
about the infection risk, assuming it had been done very recently, but otherwise I’m
not sure why you felt the need to tell.

Her parents probably had their suspicions, I imagine her sister might well have known and it’s not as if it’s in a hidden place where it wouldn’t have been obvious if there was an issue.

If anything’s going to fix this it’ll be time and patience, I don’t think there’s much else you can do.

You can send her a ´i’m sorry you’re upset that I told’ message and explain it was a safety thing. It might take a long time for her to appreciate that, but she will one day
I know what I’d do in your place but I happen to have a friend who’s a tattoo artist. I’d try and arrange a chat and ideally a visit to a tattoo shop so she could here from the horse’s mouth why do it yourself tattoos are a bad idea, both in terms of safety and hygiene but also in terms of longevity of the design. And to hear from an artist what standard policy is on age and how much good tattoos cost! - Get her parents on board before doing something like that obviously.

I’m confused what the 18 year old has to do with this if it was the 14 year old that got the tattoo?

Teens get mad at their parental figures for perfectly reasonable adult behaviour. She’s including you in that.

You ride it out. She will calm down.

You aren’t the cool godmother or whatever who is always on her side. You have a responsibility and it might be the first time she has realised that.