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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Any tips for holiday with teenagers, one very moody one

25 replies

WHITE0CTOPUS · 30/05/2024 20:03

I've booked us a few days in a city then a few days by the sea. 18 months ago my lovely friendly polite child turned into a rude and moody teenager, the other one is still okay. Last year the one who is quite moody walked ten metres ahead of us everywhere and didn't join in or smile or whatever else nice normal people do.
I felt upset and wished they were young again.
Any tips on how to survive this time?

OP posts:
Doingthework · 30/05/2024 20:36

Hi op

I don’t have teenagers yet but I work with them. I read The Teenage Brain by Frances E Jensen. I found it very helpful and made me reflect on my own teenage years which was very unexpected. I am already planning (8,5) from what I see at work.

Holiday wise if they like them I’d do a European theme park tour. I recent thread on here re teenagers on holiday I noted Slovenian was highly recommended. I’ve also been to PGL uk with a group of teens we had a great time and I believe you can do a family break with them too. 👍

stressedespresso · 30/05/2024 20:44

Did your DC have any say in the holiday? Give them both some choice as to what you do/see in order to keep everyone happy - at that age DD was very involved in helping to plan our holidays, it made things more enjoyable for us all (teens often have the best ideas!) and most importantly she was happier + felt more in control, no ‘teen being dragged around against will by parents’ feel. She’s 20 now and it’s become a joke that she’s basically the family travel agent - the trips that she plans for us are always amazing

Original poster
WHITE0CTOPUS · 30/05/2024 20:47

She did choose the destination, we haven't made plans for when we are there yet but we always have a group discussion about what to do that day or tell them what's on offer.
I might actually tell them to have a look and see online if there are any things they'd like to do while we are there so that they feel like they found it, good idea!

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 30/05/2024 20:54

Feed them all day long. Play them them the Harry Enfield Kevin the teenager clip and call them Kevin if they are too rude to you....makes mine laugh even when he is trying his hardest to be stroppy. Allow some downtime between daytime site seeing and going out for dinner.

Shouldbedoing · 30/05/2024 20:54

I think letting them sleep in the morning with the understanding that you will lunch/brunch together is the most realistic and you can enjoy your freetime with less resentment for some days. They do need downtime on holiday. I have 2 teens and it's quite intense sharing a studio or family room. For everyone!

mountaingoatsarehairy · 30/05/2024 20:56

We go away with ours still but have VERY low standards. Maximum one trip out every two / three days. Hire a v nice air b and b and let them bring the Xbox.

Original poster
WHITE0CTOPUS · 30/05/2024 21:10

Okay yes thank you. I think I need to lower my standards! If my expectations are low I won't be so disappointed.

The thing is I've booked pretty basic accommodation with the idea that we would be out doing stuff but maybe they will just want to stay in.

Do you ever just go out for the dinner without the teens?? My two are quite fussy and it's hard to find somewhere everyone wants to eat and can become quite stressful!

OP posts:
rwalker · 30/05/2024 21:14

Leave them to it and make sure they have internet a
ask them for ideas in things to do
how old are they?

Original poster
WHITE0CTOPUS · 30/05/2024 21:19

rwalker · 30/05/2024 21:14

Leave them to it and make sure they have internet a
ask them for ideas in things to do
how old are they?

16 and 18

OP posts:
cavernclub · 30/05/2024 21:21

I like reverse psychology on food issues - let them eat chips, but order something really delicious yourself. Say 'oh, do you want to try a bit' if they look interested then give them a mouthful and they can order it the next time if they like it. I always let my DCs try new things like that when we're on hols. My DS18 now says it's really not cool to be fussy about food. I never let it get stressy on hols

Original poster
WHITE0CTOPUS · 30/05/2024 21:22

cavernclub · 30/05/2024 21:21

I like reverse psychology on food issues - let them eat chips, but order something really delicious yourself. Say 'oh, do you want to try a bit' if they look interested then give them a mouthful and they can order it the next time if they like it. I always let my DCs try new things like that when we're on hols. My DS18 now says it's really not cool to be fussy about food. I never let it get stressy on hols

Okay, the issue is one wants sushi and healthy food and the other wants pizza and burgers!

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 30/05/2024 21:24

We often went to food courts or similar at that age.

Or one chooses one night the other chooses the next.

Eating out at lunch time is often easier and you can go home via a supermarket for everyone to buy what they want for dinner.

Original poster
WHITE0CTOPUS · 30/05/2024 21:28

Octavia64 · 30/05/2024 21:24

We often went to food courts or similar at that age.

Or one chooses one night the other chooses the next.

Eating out at lunch time is often easier and you can go home via a supermarket for everyone to buy what they want for dinner.

That is a good idea thanks

OP posts:
HandaFae · 30/05/2024 21:41

We ( me included) made a list of the top three things ( or a reasonable number for the length if time away) we wanted to do whilst on our trip. Then we did them either by planning together ( the art gallery is closed on, so let’s or by ‘drawing lots’)
Fair and meant that we all had to compromise some of the time. We all had to respect each others choices and we all also got to do what we wanted too. The added bonus was exciting we got to try new things/things we might not have chosen too ( ask me about trampolining 😆).

Worked well.

Pixiedust49 · 30/05/2024 21:52

It’s just really difficult. We’ve just got back from a few days away and I actually feel quite emotional that those fun days with them when they were little are gone. Everything was a battle this time. They just wanted to go home…

Toasticles · 30/05/2024 21:55

We take our 17 and 14 year old. We discuss possible trips and take into account preferences etc. We (adults) then decide where we are going the next day and tell the kids. They are always allowed to choose to come along or not. If they choose to stay home that's absolutely fine, though they will miss out on coffee and cake or might have to make themselves a sandwich for lunch. We don't guilt them if they decide not to come, but if they do want to come we don't expect theatrics.

We don't aim to go out until very late morning.

We are on a mini break ATM and youngest has come for almost everything, elder one chose to opt out yesterday afternoon. Our adult son (23) has also joined us and opted in and out as he chooses.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 30/05/2024 21:58

I found with tees it is more a tug along or stay behind. Mine are a bit older and I am happy to leave them to their own devices for a few hours. Better than beeing surrounded by teenage misery. They know how to get around forging places- I taught them the basics very early on. So sometimes it's off you go while I have a look at this museum or that building.

I also always incorporate something they are interested in. That's on the lines of theme parks, burgers and other fast food plus graffiti-found in shady back alleyways recommended by the Internet- it's art according to DC2! (The jury is out on that one 😀)

PrincessHoneysuckle · 30/05/2024 21:59

WonderingWanda · 30/05/2024 20:54

Feed them all day long. Play them them the Harry Enfield Kevin the teenager clip and call them Kevin if they are too rude to you....makes mine laugh even when he is trying his hardest to be stroppy. Allow some downtime between daytime site seeing and going out for dinner.

🤣 dh plays that dry your eyes. mate song to ds

Coalfacebigtits · 30/05/2024 22:04

I often think it’s better to give them a fairly generous budget of spends so they have some autonomy, they can opt in or out as they choose a bit. Otherwise you drag them places they aren’t really interested in and you end up sitting there paying £££ and wondering what’s it all for.

Original poster
WHITE0CTOPUS · 30/05/2024 22:40

I'm so glad I asked this now! Lots of good ideas but also just nice to know that others have experienced this change too

OP posts:
Original poster
WHITE0CTOPUS · 30/05/2024 22:41

Pixiedust49 · 30/05/2024 21:52

It’s just really difficult. We’ve just got back from a few days away and I actually feel quite emotional that those fun days with them when they were little are gone. Everything was a battle this time. They just wanted to go home…

Yes I feel your pain. I cried last year.

They used to be happy playing in the sea and sand all day long

And they wanted to be with us

OP posts:
treacledan71 · 31/05/2024 02:45

My moody DS will just turn 17 when we go away. UK holiday. We are doing a seaside central premier inn hotel which we did last year and he will be sharing with us! I know this does not go down well on mumsnet. Financially all we could afford. Will be last year we do this sharing and booked last year to get it cheap. Wish I did a flat now but no refund on hotel as did pay now deal. May be last time he comes away with us anyway his choice. Hoping to take abroad city break for 18th next year if he wants!! Well we decided as he was always bored and moody !! last year when away if he wants to stay in room and have big sleep in he can this year and we will go out on our own. I am not going to constantly try and please him. I think he will come out for food on the night and likes the arcades but who knows. He can go back early to hotel if he does and DH and I will stay out if we want. He will happy as WiFi in room. We intend to drive out a few places like a castle he loved when younger. I am definitely not trying to constantly please him this year as it never works anyway lol. Used to get so excited going away with him lol.

rwalker · 31/05/2024 05:32

At 16 and 18 I wouldn’t stress leave them to it they could go off on there own
involve and ask them for ideas

the worst thing in the world at that age is being forced to do something that someone else thinks is fun

JazbayGrapes · 31/05/2024 08:37

Unlimited wifi and plenty of (junk) food. And don't drag them to places/activities they don't want to.

suburberphobe · 08/08/2024 23:45

They are teenagers, OP.

Just the way they are....

Hold on, probably end up as fab adults.

I know the exhaustion, especially as a solo mum, working and taking care of my parents too

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