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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

dd sleeping in same bed boyfriend at his parents house

21 replies

anastasia74 · 05/04/2008 18:09

Just a little took aback. I've just dropped my dd off at a boys house who she has known for quite a few months. she told me she way sleeping the night there. she is very private person and doesnt give away much information about things, like most teens. shes 17. she recently said he was now not just a very good friend but now her boyfriend. and when i asked if she was sleeping in a separate bedroom she said no. she would be sleeping in his bed with him. I told her I hoped she was being sensible about contraception etc. and she just said mumm....Its just that I met my husband when I was 17, and i would not have slept at my or his
parents house in the same bed while there were around out of respect. am I being very old fashioned. I just feel it all seems a bit rushed. advice please

OP posts:

Unfitmother · 05/04/2008 18:10

Poor you, what a shock! Do you know her bf's parents, are they going to be there?

LittleWonder · 05/04/2008 18:14

Ah poor you. She is 17 and so she is old enough. The main thing is she has been honest with you. She sounds like a good DD. Well done you for bringing her up to tell the truth.

aGalChangedHerName · 05/04/2008 18:16

My ds1 who is 16.6 sleeps in the same bed as his gf at our house and her house.

She has the implant so they have contraception sorted out.

I don't have a problem with it.

Better to have told you first tho. Not nice to have it sprung on you

expatinscotland · 05/04/2008 18:18

she's 17.

at someone else's house who obviously don't have a problem with it.

as long as she's got contraception sorted, there's not a lot you can do about it.

expatinscotland · 05/04/2008 18:19

Well, to be fair, the OP did ask her if she were sleeping in a separate bedroom.

I wouldn't have asked, tbh.

Original poster

anastasia74 · 05/04/2008 18:19

no never met his parents. she just said they are very laid back they have him 17 and an another at 18.

just feel that have sort of jumped a stage.

OP posts:

aGalChangedHerName · 05/04/2008 18:35

I wouldn't have asked either actually. I just know how i felt when ds1 told me he and his gf were in a sexual relationship.

I always though i would be cool and hip (unlike my parents) but inside i was dying cos they are still soooo young at 16/17.

But she seems sensible and at 17 it's not your business anymore.

It's hard isn't it?

WallOfSilence · 05/04/2008 18:40

When I started to stay at my boyfriends (now dh) house we asked his mum where I was going to sleep... she flushed & said: "Oh, Um... aren't yous? Um... wherever you're comfortable sleeping."

Dh had 2 single beds in his bedroom but used one of them as a wardrobe

So I slept with him. The next day when I was going home I remember her saying: "If your mum isn't comfortable with you sharing a bed, maybe you should get XXX to lift those clothes, I don't mind, but then I'm the mum of a boy!"

I told my mam I shared a room with bfriend, but not a bed

The following weekend when I stayed over his mum had left a box of condoms.. which I think was really rather sensible!

WallOfSilence · 05/04/2008 18:42

I was 18 & I wasn't a virgin, but it was difficult as I had never 'officially' stayed over in any boys house before... it was more often than not a shag & run Or the bfriend I had before that shared a house with just his brother, so we could have afternoon sex & I could go home to my own bed for the night!

Original poster

anastasia74 · 05/04/2008 19:05

I know I would feel a little bit more comfortable with thought of them sleeping together if they had been officially going out together for longer. ive only met him twice

OP posts:

aGalChangedHerName · 05/04/2008 19:07

Maybe they have been going out for longer than you think??

You said she is a private person so it's possible?

K999 · 05/04/2008 19:07

She' 17 so old enough. I lost my virginity at that age. I was on the pill but tbh I never thought about STD's....luckily I have always been fine. Perhaps you should have a little chat with her about this and suggest using condoms??

expatinscotland · 05/04/2008 19:11

I lost it at 16 and like your daughter, I said nothing about it because I knew my mom had really old-fashioned attitudes towards sex.

I went to my elder sister for advice.

I don't want my relationship with my girls to be the same.

In fact I lost it to someone I wasn't even in a romantic relationship with, because I didn't attach sex to love and chose him because he was experienced and I wanted someone who know what they were doing.

TheHedgeWitch · 05/04/2008 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MadameCh0let · 05/04/2008 22:08

She's 17 and he's a proper boyfriend. It could be so much worse! I know my children are only little so I don't know what you're feeling, but if this guy IS her first, you can be pleased really. You can give your self a pat on the back that she held out 'til 17. That's fairly ideal isn't it? At home, well his home, with a boy you know she's been with for a few months.

MadameCh0let · 05/04/2008 22:13

Plus, she didn't give you some hokey story about staying at a girl friend's house. I'd say that even though she's private, she still respects you enough not to lie to you even though it's embarrassing.. hence the 'muuuu-um'. She sounds like a good girl.

groovyolmutha · 07/04/2008 20:10

Oh bli'me, I feel so old.

17 is a fair age to start and yes it is NOYB but what is the world coming to? They are still children and not really able to handle the emotional stuff that easily, even though it is legal. It's one thing knowing it goes on and another encouraging it.

I was just 17 when my bfriend and I started having sex (so feel qualified to comment!)but kept it totally hidden from my parents and his. Both sets would've been horrified. On the basis that what they don't know won't hurt them there were many things I did which I didn't tell my mother - or father. BF and I were always very sensible. No-one had heard of AIDs then so it was a bit less complicated.

Thank G! I hope my dd is as sensible and tactful as I was. (She is only 7 at the moment). I just so hope she doesn't do what you have described. Actually, I probably wouldn't let her stay at a boyfriend's house while she is still living at home. I'm beginning to think I am terribly old fashioned. But hey, I don't care!

Hulababy · 07/04/2008 20:17

I wasn't allowed to sleep in the same bed (or room actually) with DP (now DH) until we started living together. We met at 16, and moved in together after uni.

I guess times have changed a bit. And I know deep down I would like to know that DD was safe, and if she was going to sleep with her boyfriend it is probably better for her to be doing it in my house....but..... I am so glad she is only 6y and I don't have to think about it.

sleepycat · 07/04/2008 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilentTerror · 08/04/2008 09:51

DD1's boyfriend sleeps in same bed as her in our house.They are 18.
We always s aid we wouldn't allow it but somehow when it happens,it isn't such a big deal,especially at 17/18.
I very often open her door on a saturday morning to find him there,bit of a shock really!

alfiesbabe · 16/04/2008 10:55

I think your dd is being sensible and honest. Which is far better imo than the hypocrisy which often surrounds sex. I have friends who know their teenagers are having sex with their bf/gf, but persist in the 'not under my roof' attitude which seems to me like burying your head in the sand.

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