Daughters friends

[strawbbaby]

Just wondered if anyone else has this problem but if a rant really
teenage daughter 15. Has been few a few different friend groups as she’s moved school, and I’m happy she has friends to go out with and always happy to have people overs however I’ve been feeling a bit annoyed recently that these friends seem to be taking the mic.
now they are older they make their own plans go out to eat etc and pay for themselves if it’s someone birthday that’s always how they have done it .
my daughters friends wanted to go bowling a week after her birthday , so I agreed to book it but made it clear that everyone paid for themselves.
i took them (half an hour drive each way) daughter brought some food for them to share (no offer of paying) then I picked them up and they all asked me for lifts home all 3 in different sides of town which took me an hour .
this group of friends don’t seem to have parents that can be bothered to pick them up.
anyway my daughter asked them to pay and they are all saying they have no money now Even though she told them we would all pay me back for the bowling .

this probably sounds like I’m being mean however my daughter has not once been out with these girls and had anyone pay for her . I would not dream of sending her out with no money and no arrangement of getting home.

Ive told her to stop offering me out for lifts in future as I’m getting sick of it when she never gets lifts anywhere . I’m just having a moan really is anyone else get this?

I will definitely make myself less available in future and won’t be booking things for them again.

Lesson learned and you can have conversations with your daughter about this but don’t make her ask for money anymore and you’re right to be annoyed.

My house turned into a soup kitchen for awhile and I had to put a stop to that. It’s not my job to feed the whole village.

Sounds like they have moved on and u r pushing for the friendship to continue.

What are their circumstances? DS has a group of about 5/6 friends who often do stuff together. One friend lives near us and due to some issues, lives with elderly grandparents. Another has a single mum who doesn’t always have his best interests at heart (to put it mildly!) I’m always happy to give lifts to those boys, and pay if needed. The other friends have parents who are more engaged so often do the same.
Is this the case with your DDs friends?

these are new friends , I didn’t want to pay for them all for that reason I have only met one of them before it was the girls idea to go out bowling and was never an agreement for me to pay

If the bowling was her birthday treat I'd normally expect to pay for everyone? It sounds like they don't have this system though, I can understand you not wanting to do it if no one else does.

I’m not too sure of the circumstances as I have only met one of them before , I know what you mean about circumstances , but it’s difficult when you don’t know the parents . (they don’t know our circumstances either) . I wouldn’t have had an issue if I had agreed to it I think I’m just annoyed they were happy to go and take it but when it came to paying they all suddenly had no money . They’ve been to the cinema before and all
paid themselves but it didn’t involve anyone booking it so I think that’s what’s gone wrong I’ve booked it to help them and it’s been presumed I’m paying . Lesson learned

Making them all pay to attend a birthday party (and getting worked up over it) is frankly bizarre OP. Very tight and inappropriate.

Yes, lesson learnt unfortunately though I totally understand why you are annoyed. At the risk of being a meanie I would never agree to be the booker for group activities for my kids unless I was happy to pay and my kids knew this so didn’t ask. Lots of kids seem to think that if a parent has paid for something there is no need to give their friend the money. Nowadays is it so much easier for teens to do stuff like that themselves, everyone PayIDs the money to one person then that person only books/gets tickets for the people who have sent the money. Helps with their financial literacy too!

At least you know now.

I think the culture these days with a lot of kids and PARENTS is very much 'someone will sort it out.'

Don't judge people by your own standards. I learnt the hard way after being the soft mum for years.

@andyourpointiswhat
Agree.
Also a very good point about financial literacy.

Agree with @andyourpointiswhat

I only book and pay if it's a birthday kind of thing. Otherwise DD and her friends organise themselves for meal, cinema, whatever, one will book, they'll all send money over if need be. If friends can't afford to pay then it doesn't happen. I'm not subbing DD so she can sub her friends. I also don't do lifts for anyone unless it's already arranged in advance, spent years playing taxi for everyone else's kids and now I refuse. Buses and taxis do exist too.