Anxiety over DS, 17

[HerbertVonDoodlebug]

Firstly I should say that I’m lucky that DS (17)
is a kind and thoughtful soul. Polite and well behaved but very quiet and difficult to know what’s going on inside his head. Introverted and his only socialising is online (v common for this cohort I know). If asked says that he is fine and prefers to be this way.

He is struggling a bit at sixth form, did poorly in his mocks and I’m not really sure why, he did very well at GCSE. Am in contact with his tutors and pushing for more support if available. Does want to go to uni but at the moment looking dubious whether he gets onto his preferred course unless grades increase significantly.

His back-up courses are further away and it is hitting me hard emotionally that in just over a year he may be living quite far away from home. I worry that he will struggle and be lonely. I worry that I will struggle and be anxious! I keep these worries to myself and am always positive and encouraging with him. But worry that perhaps I’m not doing him any favours by being positive and not giving him a (verbal) kick up the backside about his grades for example.

He does not know what he wants to do for a career and has not been proactive at looking for work experience etc related to his chosen course.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this irl so just looking for a bit of moral support / reassurance I suppose, from anyone who has gone through similar? And how can I keep myself sane and him on track while we navigate through this?

He is my pfb can you tell 😆

You need to ask open questions - that gives him room to decide what he wants. He has careers advice at school and via Uni websites. If he doesn’t get the grades he can do access courses or resits - bad grades are the end. Uni isn’t just for 18 year olds. He could work a year and save some money.

There’s other paths.

Aw, I totally get it, Op.
My son is 17 and currently sitting his A levels.
Like yours, he's pretty introverted and computer gaming is his main hobby! He's in the final year of 6th form and we basically told him to take a year out as we feel he needs (at least) another year of life under his belt before university (we didn't actually word it to him quite like that). So that's what he's doing- he'll get a part time job.
In addition to his year out, he may then need to do a foundation course to get into his chosen field- engineering- and has a provisional place at a university in a different city to do this. To be honest, apart from it costing more money, I'm quite pleased that he'll be another year older by the time he gets to be a first year ie 2 years from finishing 6th form.
Turns out a couple of his friends are also taking a year out, so it's not unusual (and to be fair, these boys are more ready for university- think they're just keen for some freedom after A levels).
Of course, things may change for your son over the course of the next year: grades might improve/he might seem more ready to leave home generally- but if not, there's no hurry for them to go in my opinion.
Also wanted to say I understand the not knowing what's in their heads thing. Oh my god- my son gives nothing away! I think he's ok but he's never going to emote massively.
one other thing- I feel that the latter half of my son's time at 6th form has been so much better than the first year and a half. I think it took him a wee while to settle and his work wasn't great- his mocks results were modest. He's pulling it out the bag now- a bit late, hence likely need for foundation degree, but he's got the bit between his teeth at last.
Oh and he's my pfb, too!
Sorry really waffly but hope all goes well with your son.

I think it’s a modern idea to expect 17 year olds to know what they want to do with their lives. In the late 90s and early 90s, everyone I went to university with didn’t know what they wanted to be when they grew up. Let him go to university to do what he enjoys and will get a decent enough grade in. He will work out a job from there. Continue speaking to him and to tutors. Tell him he still has time to do well if he works hard.
he will manage. University might open up his world more then you think

Thank you for your kind words, I have had a wobbly day and they definitely have helped. @BigPepperPerson it sounds like you have been through a similar time, I’m glad things seem to be working out for your DS. Honestly the early teenage years were no problem at all but for some reason all of a sudden I’m struggling- just seems like so little time left! I more or less dropped out of sixth form as I was very unhappy and didn’t go to university which I did regret later in life. So I’m definitely aware that is colouring how I feel as well.