No engagement with DD15 - what to do?

[Rollinghilly]

My DD 15 has completely pulled away and is so rude that all interactions with her and other family members are only negative. She won’t engage with any conversation, it’s just yeah yeah. Every question is met with a ‘Whaaaat’. She is so rude and dismissive to all of us and particularly her sister DD13, who now just doesn’t bother speak to her. When she even does well with something , all engagement is negative, she is just simply a horror.

I am really struggling with this, I feel like I just can’t find any way of engaging positively and I am worried that this will impact us long term. For what it’s worth I don’t think she is particularly happy but all efforts to try and help her are met with resistance

any advice ??

I just gave my teenagers loads of space. Let them come to me. Didn’t force any communication. Always volunteered car lifts at any time of day or night as they are trapped in a car then and very often opened up but they quickly reverted to normal teenage aloofness after. Never took it personally.

A levels done, driving tests passed and happily living their best lives at University.

I was the worst teenager in the world and compared to me mine were easy. I was an absolute horror!

@Faketanisapain I think I am taking it too personally and too seriously and I just need to ignore!

It’s rarely personal with teenagers. Keep them focused on their goals. Pick your battles.

That’s the issue really @Faketanisapain , there is no keeping her focused as she does not engage

Total sympathy - but, it’s a phase and it does slowly pass. My DD is infinitely better at 16 than she was at 15. What has helped most is finding things to do that she likes (in her case, things like going for something to eat in a place she’s seen on TikTok or watching a show together, best if just the two of you) and then making the whole thing a pleasant experience - no moaning at her or asking her what’s wrong, just no stress chat about the world

Key thing at that age seems to be engaging on their terms and giving them space in between, trying to not take most things personally.

Teenagers are like cats!
We long for the puppies.

@Rollinghilly I just use to say to my DC you are sailing your own ship in life, you are old enough to understand that what you do now will influence your choices later on.

At some point you have to start trusting them. I was always on hand to help for example I was like their PA’s booking UCAT/BMAT courses and revision courses when they had a panic the Easter before their A levels. Took them out driving in my car before their driving test.

I always tried to react positively when they asked for my help instead of saying I told you so (I had to bite my tongue!).

It is rough terrain, far harder than the toddler years for me. I still shudder sometimes thinking about it!

Thanks @Faketanisapain that’s some good advice thanks . I definitely need to step back but stay close