'Stage An Intervention' they said

[UppityMuppety]

14year old DS has deteriorated beyond recognition in terms of personality and attitude. Smoking cannabis, stealing and goes missing all the time. He has missed lots of school. At a meeting recently the school advised me to take him away somewhere remote, just the two of us, for a few days. No phone, no nothing. Just us. A sort of 'intervention ' to talk to him about cannabis use and his general attitude to life. Has anyone ever done anything similar? How did it go?

@UppityMuppety
Haven’t done this myself but thinking about it. Mobile phone use is our problem and sneaky behaviour, badass attitude over any attempts to guide, law unto
himself type thing. Same age as your DS. My son has SEN so can’t work out of it’s this, teenage boys, our rubbish parenting, soc media or a combination. An intervention might help as a type of pause/reset if you generally have a good relationship with your DS and can talk about things. We can’t with our DS unfortunately. But I think you’ll likely need longer term support for him too around cannabis use, reasons for it etc.

It sounds tricky. I can imagine being given this advice, but with my teen at her worst (at least I hope it was the worst as she’s only 15 still so some years to go yet!) I can’t imagine that this would have successfully forced her into a connection with me. She would have died rather than concede anything to me! Do you have a good relationship generally, is he the type to open up?

No, he isn't the type to open up.we have a good superficial relationship, we get on unless I'm challenging him about something. It's all fine as long as I don't try and talk to him about anything that matters, then he flies off the handle. I don't see how it would work to be honest but I am desperate

Hiya, think this could be a good idea but I would say bring the phone. Sounds like he'd only feel attacked if he wasn't allowed it. Instead go for your weekend away and make sure to do things he's really into - eg football, video games and such. I would recommend giving him a therapist / something similar if he doesn't already - he may be more willing to open up to someone external. Take care!

Stella O’Malley’s book, What your teen is trying to tell you, is really good. I’d take mine away for 3-4 nights to somewhere like centerparcs where we could do lots of different activities together - really expensive but very easy. Other holidays are available! Go karting/clay pigeon shooting/seeing a football match/horse riding/quad biking - anything he might enjoy, and a mix of things so there’s not a big investment in any one thing being perfect. And I would leave my phone and his at home, and bring some games and some books I think he’d like. And I’d be open that I wanted to connect.

Actually, if I could afford it I’d take him somewhere really exciting and different, where we were both a bit at sea. China, or India, or wherever would be new and different to you and him. Have an adventure together.

It's not a bad idea. But I would reframe as a connection/bonding adventure rather than an intervention. To strengthen the relationship and reconnect. Give him lots of autonomy to do whatever he wants even if it means you doing laser tag or bubble tea. Good luck.

Thanks everyone, that's been really helpful. I'm determined to change the dynamic between us!