Age 18 DS intermittently suicidal

[MumblesParty]

DS has just completed his first year away at university, and is now home till September.

Last night he confided that for several years he has had intermittent feelings of hopelessness, desperate unhappiness, and feeling suicidal. He’s always been able to “snap himself out of it” by distracting himself - playing Xbox, chatting to family, going out etc. He’s confided in a couple of friends over the years, but never really felt it was an issue, as it only lasted a few hours.

A couple of months ago, drunk after a night out, he came back to his uni room and felt very low, and decided he was going to kill himself. He made a plan, wrote suicide notes to his friends and family, then told himself to stop being ridiculous. He went to sleep, and was mortified the following day for even considering it. Deleted the notes he’d typed.

He says that when he feels like this, he has literally no idea what is bothering him. He says his life is very happy - lots of friends, loving family, great upbringing, doing well at uni, bright future (his words). He says that 99.99% of the time he is very happy with life. But he finds these suicidal moods terrifying, and is haunted by the thought of what he might have done if he’d had easier means (eg. Gun, drugs etc) .

My first thought was to try and get him some help, but he says he’s not depressed, so he wouldn’t know what to say to a counsellor. I’m a doctor myself so I know that he’s not a candidate for psychiatry or medication. And counselling services are woefully underfunded and inadequate.

Has anyone come across this before? I’m lost as to how to help him, especially when he says he’s fine now!

And counselling services are woefully underfunded and inadequate.

What about private counselling?

Is there a history of trauma/ mental health problems in the family?

Perhaps he is genetically predisposed to feel like this.
Or something traumatic happened to him when he was a child/ teenager that you are not aware of.

Could there be something he “can’t” talk about that he wants to get away from? Like you said everything sounds great on paper but is he actually alright?

Not sure what this is but the first step towards treatment is usually talking to someone about it. The fact he has been able to open up to you after suffering so many yrs is a good step in the right direction. As you're a doctor do you think seeing a counsellor at his university for some sessions just to talk might help? its a shame you didn't know about this before he started uni or you could've started the ball rolling in order to get DSA which would've included regular counselling.
It's however not too late!! he is alive and talking about which means he recognises he needs help. As you know, first stop is with his GP ot get assessed and perhaps a diagnosis with which he can then apply for DSA. Could you afford private counselling? I can say from personal experience shelling out on a few private sessions is definitely worth the intervention. There are also some free TELEPHONE places - HOPELINE247

• Call: 0800 068 4141
• Text: 88247
• Email: [email protected]

where he can speak to someone about his suicidal thoughts.

Thank you.
No traumas in his life (that I know of, but I’m sure he’d have told me), but my brother killed himself at a similar age. He was very different though - not popular, a chronic under-achiever, almost certainly had ASD at a time when it wasn’t diagnosed.

Of course he’s refusing to speak to a counsellor because he says it only happens occasionally, but I’ll keep working on him.

I’m pretty experienced in treating people with depression in my job, but I’ve never come across such occasional suicidal thoughts in the absence of consistent depression. Usually people have background depression.

How concerning for you (and your son). I'd take it very seriously, and see what treatment options you can support him to consider, while also doing (as it seems like you are) all you can to remain a safe person for him to tell.

@MumblesParty

I am real sorry you are going through this as a family,

I suffer from depression varies on severity due to the kind of very dysfunctional childhood background i had, children's care homes, losing my lovely adoptive mother young,

I think 🤔 it's a good sign he has admitted he feels like that too,
You obviously have good enough relationship with your son,

Whats helped me with depression a lot and wish i had known how therapeutic it was a lot sooner is being creative whether it's painting, doing a sculpture anything creative is like active mediation helps you to relax and have respite from overwhelming stress pressure in life,

Also being connected to nature in some way on a regular basis,
whether just visting the local park or the sea side for a couple/ few hours,
I can highly recommend volunteering is beneficial for wellbeing care too,
even if its only a one or few hours on a regular basis,
It helps you to see the bigger picture in life and you feel you are making a difference in your life and others,
Also Job centre social security like to hear about people doing volunteering as it means often you've done it on your own initiative and it enhances your CV status,

Such as I used to volunteer for a well known bird life charity every week,

Mediation is a real good thing to get into aswell it's refreshing and gives oneself more clarity to the mind and focus and respite a break from too stress ect...
I feel like it's like a power nap

Good music is wonderful too..

Keep in touch on here too,

You certainly not alone and will find support that you need,

there is also a Holistic Therapies and mental health mumset section here
i rember looking at it before and people's experiences of various different Holistic Therapies...

@MumblesParty

Sorry typo mistake

I meant to say i feel it's a good sign he knows he can turn to you as like one other poster said he knows he needs support ,

It must be very Confusing aswell as concerning as he has had a good childhood and no other obvious trauma he has to contend with that you know of too..

I don't have wisdom but can stand in solidarity.
As a teen/young adult I had occasional suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self harm although I never did anything about them. I wasn't depressed but was emotionally neglected.
My youngest daughter (17) does impulsively self harm, and has ODd despite very definitely not being depressed...they are transient self destructive acts coming from a pit of uncontrollable despair about herself an sometimes the world we live in.
I don't know where these thoughts come from and why but it is so hard for us to see our lovely children feeling like this.
She is accessing counselling but interestingly the school counsellor said to be very careful about counselling at a time that the person isn't ready ....it may provoke an open wound that is hard to deal with and amplify the feelings.

I hope that you and your son find the best way forward for him.....

Thank you everyone, it’s really helpful reading other people’s thoughts and experiences. Mercifully he says he’s sure he’ll be fine now he’s home, because he knows he’s never alone, and I’m only just across the landing if he feels low in the middle of the night. I’m going to keep a very close eye on him.

Just came on to say it sounds like intrusive thoughts?
Don't have any advice, but I was struck by how very close you both must be for him to tell you so frankly. You sound like a great mum x