Phobia is controlling daughter’s life

[Kkaayy]

My 13 year old has a severe phobia of vomit. If she sees or hears anyone being sick, she has a panic attack. This has been the case since she was about 6 years old when her friend’s mum was very poorly with cancer.

She is due to go on a school trip shortly whereby they will be travelling by ferry or coach. She is already freaking out about it saying she doesn’t want to go in case someone is sick on the journey. She was due to go on a trip last year but pulled out because of this fear. Luckily we were able to get our money back.

When they sent details about this current trip, she assured me she wanted to go so I paid for it. Now I’m set to lose £600 as it’s too late to get a refund. I’m not overly bothered about the money but I feel like she’s missing out on experiences that teenagers should be enjoying.

I’ve suggested we talk to a doctor or try some therapy but she doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it as she gets teary as soon as it’s mentioned. I’ve spoken to the trip leader who has said she will do whatever she can to support my daughter and she can sit at the back of the coach as those who suffer with sickness usually sit at the front. This hasn’t alleviated the anxiety about the trip at all.

Any suggestions? I know she‘ll have a great time once she’s there but at the moment it’s really looking like she’ll end up not going.

Would she be willing to try hypnotherapy?
my daughter has had an amazing result after hypnotherapy for exam stress.

I would try and push therapy. I've had the same since a teen, and although much more controlled now I'm in my 30's, it did spoil a lot of teen experiences and I believe has caused OCD.

I would also really try and encourage therapy. I am currently getting cbt from the NHS for this phobia.

But I understand her reluctance, it's not easy. But it really is a horrible phobia that can take over your life.

Just in case she's worrying about this specifically - at no point will the therapy involve anything that will cause vomiting. It's not like a "face your fear by vomiting" situation.

Following for advice. My teen is the same. She has missed a couple of school trips now (one expensive 😫) due to the same fear. We are going through CaMHS for therapy but the waiting list is long.
I have some hope she will grow out of it but it is so limiting.
wrt the coach-teachers offered her to sit at the back but she said that would mean having to walk past sick or someone who had been sick to get off.
I’ve tried to explain that sick really isn’t a very common occurrence once you get past lower primary school but it is such a pervading fear. Once someone was sick when we went to a cinema so she hasn’t been to see a film for over 4 years

I can very much empathise as someone who has had the same phobia (and still do to some extent) since my teen years.

Emetophobia Free has some resources designed specifically for teens which might be less daunting initially than seeing someone / going to the doctors.

Is her main fear her getting ill or seeing others ill?

My DD16 had this exact phobia and it was so extreme that she lost a lot of weight and I initially thought she had an eating disorder. She was very fearful of eating foods that may cause vomiting, would not eat anything that had been in the fridge for more than two days, ask endless questions about meals I made and would watch me cook to make sure there was no cross contamination. I insisted she get some help after a major meltdown on whether an egg was ok to eat.

I initially purchased “Free yourself from emetophoboa” by David Veale which is a self help book and was extremely helpful and reassuring. We were following the steps in this book but she was pushing back against me so made her see a psychologist who specialises in anxiety/phobias. We had 8 sessions over 6 months and I would say she’s about 95% cured. Some of the things she had to do were difficult but she wanted to get better so did them. She still doesn’t like the idea of vomiting but it no longer rules her life (ironically, she hasn’t vomited for over 10 years and she doesn’t know how the fear started, it just took hold very quickly).

Life is now so much happier for her and our whole family. I recommend getting professional help sooner rather than taking a wait and see approach as emetophobia can be extremely debilitating.

I’ve suggested we talk to a doctor or try some therapy but she doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it as she gets teary as soon as it’s mentioned.

This actually makes sense. For someone who is phobic, the idea of any therapy can be almost as terrifying as the phobia because you know that at some point you will face the thing you fear. Of course, by that point you will no longer fear it so intensely, but your phobia does not let you accept that knowledge. Even talking about it triggers the anxiety.

Logic and desensitisation are not the only ways to deal with phobias. There are treatments that do not require you to face the phobia until you are ready. Hypnotherapy is very good in this respect. It also enables you to access more conventional logic and desensitisation later on, if you choose.

£600 spent on effective therapy now, rather than on a lost deposit, will be lifetime investment for your dd.

hi my daughter has phobias and I've discussed it with some of the specialists she has worked with (she has other issues so not dealt with phobias yet)

it's common for children not to want to discuss or confront their phobia (my daughter won't tell the psycholgist what she is afraid of)

But every expert I have spoken to said that phobias are absolutely treatable - and the earlier the interention the better as they can spread and create other linked phobias.

Thanks all, this is very helpful!

She actually handles herself being sick really well, I’m not sure if that’s because she has no choice by that point. It’s more others being sick she can’t stand. We recently had family around for my son’s birthday; her uncle was hungover so she spent the whole time in her room refusing to come down in case he was sick. She can’t have been worried about catching a hangover 😂 so I do think it’s definitely other people being sick she can’t deal with.

I had the same phobia from childhood and wasted so many years of my life not doing things because of this fear. I eventually got therapy and still have to “top up” that therapy in times of stress else it comes back. Gosh I wish I’d got therapy younger and not wasted those years. The experiences I could have had, and am having now. I’d really strongly suggest you make her get the therapy. She’s ill and needs treatment. You wouldn’t let her refuse treatment for a physical illness so I’d be the same with this mental illness. It’s so worth it in the end and she will thank you.

Your poor dd. I have the same fear and have done since a child, I’m not sure what triggered mine but my mum did care for a lady with cancer of the throat when I was small (she vomited a lot as food would get stuck), I can’t really remember not having the phobia. There has been times in my life when my phobia has been worse than others, the teen years and my mid 20’s- early 30’s being the worst. I hated school trips too, the fear of someone being sick on the coach was a huge fear. I would always make sure I sat next to someone who didn’t get travel sick and I would wear headphones/ear plugs, I don’t like boats either, they make me feel sick and the fear of others being sick is pretty high. When I have needed to go on a ferry I try and sit outside for most of the journey.

For me it’s a phobia I will always have, I have tried many therapies to rid of it but I have excepted it’s not going anywhere and have just learnt coping strategies to keep my anxiety at a lower level. For me the best way is to avoid situations where I might see someone vomit but not to the extent it stops me doing fun things. There are places I avoid such as theme parks and night clubs but they are not places I enjoy anyway. Public transport was always my worst fear. Just before I learnt to drive I was on a last bus and a drunk lad was sick everywhere, I was so anxious because I had to step through the vomit to get off the bus, in the end I got of a couple stops early and called my mum to collect me.

The phobia no longer takes over my life, I can do most things without even thinking about it but if someone is sick or I feel sick I still go into a total panic.

Could she take something to knock her out? I don't mean class A drugs but one car we had as children made me car sick, the anti sickness tablets knocked me out for hours.

Out of interest, how is she with vomit on tv? Can she watch that?

Oh this is a terrible feeling for her, I developed emetophbia as a child, I'm in my 40s now.

I also have a teen niece with the same phobia, and it can be quite debilitating.

I had a number of rituals that eased my anxiety, nothing anyone could have said would reduce my fear.

Regarding the ferry, I would always sit outside up the top, that would be a safe place regardless of the weather rain, wind or shine.

Headphones helped me when backpacking and stuck on a minibus with an elderly local woman who vomited the whole 6 hour journey,.

If something were optional I would have opted out, I remember being around 9/10 yo and my sister vomited as we left the stables one morning and I begged to be let out to walk the 40mins home in the rain rather than be trapped inside the car with her.

I would find some resources for her to read, it's sometimes comforting to realise that you aren't alone in this fear, I was almost 30 before I found that there were other people in the world who felt as I did, I took great comfort reading their personal stories.

Try to be empathic, she knows it's irrational and wishes it wasn't so, it's torture to live with, and winter in the uk is the worst with the vomiting bugs.

Your poor dc. I’d let her miss the trip as there’s a high chance someone will be sick (did a similar trip with young teens and it wasn’t pleasant - several sick, one over some of other children. The smell was horrible. It would be extremely stressful for your dc)

Another vote for hypnotherapy - it has really taken the edge off my son's anxiety. He has chronic stomach problems that cause constant nausea (awaiting a referral but it's probably either IBD, IBS or reflux) and developed a severe phobia of being sick in public, which set up a vicious circle with the anxiety fuelling the nausea. He's been seeing a hypnotherapist for a few months now and is coping much better - he's not 100% but has gone from sitting in the car outside college paralysed with anxiety and having to be brought straight home to going in almost every day without drama. There are hypnotherapists who specialise in emetophobia.