DD’s mental health issues - how do you cope?

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She’s 18 now but has struggled really since year 6.

Has always had really bad anxiety, however, at the start of the first lock down it all went bang. She developed OCD traits, an eating disorder, agoraphobia, couldn’t leave her room without a panic attack, started self harming and took an overdose.

Over the last 4 years she’s been slowly getting better. Lots of input from CAMHS (who were fab), she’s now on medication for her anxiety, she’s been diagnosed with Autism (no surprise to any of us), she got a part time job and was doing brilliantly at college.

However, over the last few months I’ve noticed she’s beginning to slide again. Anxiety is through the roof, I’ve noticed the odd eating habits are creeping back in, she’s missing college, I think there’s some selective mutism going on, she’s avoiding going out with friends and doing stuff she previously enjoyed.

She’s aged out of CAMHS now so needs to see adult services. We’ve had an assessment, but they wouldn’t let me go in with her so she sat there in silence really and then had a massive panic attack, so now we’re on a waiting list for more therapy.

I don’t know, I’m gutted that I can’t help her, that we’re back here again after all that work, I’m terrified that she’s going to try and hurt herself again. I know she’s an adult now, but she really can’t function without a ton of support and I’m completely knackered by it all.

If your teen has MH problems, how on earth do you cope with it?

Honestly I don't know. I absolutely understand what you are saying, my DS had a huge and very dangerous breakdown when he was younger, has been doing well and is now depressed again. I think it is autistic burnout. It is so so hard to live with the fear of what he might do. He's 17 and I am terrified about him going into adult services.

Today isn't such a bad day. It is a massive cliche but I have found that if I can manage it, then doing things I enjoy just to get a break from the endless fear, does help. But it is tough.

Thanks!

Its just gutting to see her doing so well, only to crash again.

She’s had a fairly stressful few weeks - big exam at college, plus she’s retaking her Maths GCSE again at the moment so I’m hoping that once all this is over she can chill and recover a bit.

She wants to go to uni and the idea is terrifying. How will she cope? Will she make friends ok? How will she cope with stress and exams and being away from home, etc, etc. I’ll support her 100% to get there, but I have to admit, I have my doubts about how she’ll cope.

CAMHS have been brilliant, I know they get a bad rep, but I’ve had no complaints. They’ve only just started transitioning her over to adult services so have kept her on their books far longer than they should. I wish she could stay there as she’s comfortable speaking with them and knows her therapist really well.

It’s a bad day today I think, I didn’t sleep well last night, she’s missed college this afternoon (although did go in for her maths exam this morning) and it just feels overwhelming again.

Try the Calm Harm app, it helped my DD redirect her urge to self-harm when she was younger. I hope your DD gets the support she needs.

What meds is she on for the anxiety? Would upping the dose help? My DD who is also 18 is on meds for anxiety and she was also diagnosed with Anorexia in 2021. She is good on both fronts at the moment. I notice that the ED always rears its head when there are other issues at play as it’s her way of regulating her emotions. So if her anxiety ramps up then eating issues creep in too.

Would you consider paying privately for therapy?

She doesn't have to go away from home to go to uni.

She could commute if there are uni's within commuting distance.

OP,
I think transitions are hard for mentally ill teens.
My DD recently transitioned from Intensive home treatment team back to camhs.
She is really struggling as we had a lot of support from IHT even though she was with camhs before.
They like the familiarity with the people they know.
It takes a while to get used to new people and trust them again.
I get your worry especially as she has been doing so well.
Hopefully the maths gcse out of the way will help.
Don't look too much into the future.. just one day at a time. She may cope at uni or she may not. You will figure it out when the time comes.
Hugs..I know this is bloody hard..I am in a similar situation myself.
Xx

Thanks all!

just having a bit of a bad day yesterday I think. DD and her boyfriend are going to an event on Saturday and she spent most of yesterday freaking out about it. Constantly texting me all day in a panic and I just thought to myself, is this life now? Is everything, forever more going to require this much support. It gets a bit frustrating at times, although she’s just as frustrated with herself. It’s a nice day out, something she’s wanted to go to for years so it’s such a shame that she can’t just relax and enjoy it. It’s a positive that she’s not letting the anxiety get the better of her and is pushing herself to do these things, and I’m thrilled she’s going, but it just gets a bit exhausting sometimes.

She’s on Sertraline. She was on Pre-Gabalin - which worked, but CAMHS wanted her off it and the GP wouldn’t prescribe it. We have a medication review next week we’ll ask if the dose needs tweaking.

For uni, the course she wants to do, she does need to live away from home. It’s not far away so we can get to her easily/she can come home regularly so I’m sure it will be fine. And if it’s not, she can come home and we’ll re-think.

She’s always found transitions hard, so hopefully once she’s settled in to the adult services team, she’ll open up a bit more

Thank you!

It's hard isn't it?

I think you have your answer in saying there are college exams and GCSE maths resit going on.

My DD had done her 2 years in college, is currently on what I am referring to as a GAP year, and is planning to return to college in September. She has been doing English and work experience as she doesn't have the stamina to do part time work alongside college.

Would it help your DD to have a year out before uni? Or would it be too little structure?

In answer to your actual question, I nearly got dragged under by DD's MH problems during 2020&2021&2022.
I got through it by finding a phone counsellor for me. An hour a week I could offload with no judgement.

Same as. I feel your pain in being unable to "fix" her. My daughter just got sectioned by her case worker and I'm totally powerless to do anything to help. So I have to step back and just let her sort this for herself. She knows where I am if she needs me. Have told her at least a million times how much I love her and wish to support her. I can only hope and pray she comes back to me. Lines of communication are all open and waiting...totally heartbroken x