First teenage heartbreak advice

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Dd2 (14, nearly 15) has been seeing a boy in her school (similar age although year above) for a year. They are both very busy kids, loads of activities and friends (although separate groups) and have had a very smooth run. They always appeared super close, had open and honest communication and respectful towards each other.

Sometimes it's been a struggle for them to juggle seeing each other in between sports after school, friends, family commitments but they managed a regular and healthy amount of seeing each other etc

Out of the blue, the boy texted her last weekend that he wanted to break up as he no longer wanted a relationship/wanted to be alone. We are all fairly certain there isn't anyone else on the scene but she has been totally heartbroken. I feel that the heartbreak is also compounded by being blindsided and it being so totally out of the blue.

As adults we understand that 14/15 year olds are fickle, but after a year and such open communication, we thought any breakup would be at the back of an argument/disagreement/fizzling of feelings etc, which we fully expected, rather than such an out of the blue scenario.

Any advice? Unfortunately she has to see him at school every day for the next 4 years so it is going to be super tough. I am so sad for her and have no idea what happened and why but suspect will never know...

So far she has had tons of friends rallying round and has managed to get through school yesterday but has been crying mostly when at home :( she has a few invites for thu/fri/sat so hopefully that will help distracting her....

Maybe he felt that he did not want to be tied into a relationship so young - which is not unreasonable.

She needs your love; and the support of friends - it sounds as though she has both.

I have three adult DDs and feel for you - you just want to do it for them and spare them the pain!

@Mischance thanks for the reply... that's exactly what he said and we totally understand it. Just a horrible shock for her, bless her. I hope she will bounce back quickly. Like you say, you just want to take the pain away for them.

They are just kids. However grown up he seemed ..in the end its absolutely normal and ok for him to behave in what may seem to you like a fickle way.

Don't make the mistake of condemning him for not behaving in an adult way.

Its part of life to suffer hheartbreaking your teens....painful as it is I would not let your child see you are particularly upset for her. Sympathetic and kind but...beinf at school with him over the next years is not an issue

She won't still care about him in a year !

@waterrat oh I absolutely agree and I never condemned him although I am not sure I can not feel/look upset when she has been crying for days... it's heartbreaking to watch.

I really do hope she will move on quickly and that they can be friends in the future or at least coexist happily. I dont believe there is any animosity there....just hurt and shock.

Perhaps it might help you (though I wouldnt expect it to help her..) to think of this as 'healthy pain' ? ie. its totally normal - and a sign she is out there engaging, building relationships with other people etc

@waterrat that's true... and a very good way to look at it, thank you. And I am sure she will look back fondly on her first relationship as it was by and large very positive!!!

We are all fairly certain there isn't anyone else on the scene

How on earth would you know? And does "we are all" mean that you've discussed your opinion of it with her? Good lord.

As others have said - especially at this age feelings can change quickly, no reason she should have seen it coming, it's par for the course, healthy and normal to feel disappointed, doesn't change her worth as a person, be gentle with her etc etc.

OP tbh I would secretly be relieved that the relationship has run it's course - she was only 13 when it started and that's soooo young to be seeing somebody for a year! In your shoes I would of course be sympathetic and kind, but also be very light-hearted and cool about the fact that he finished it. It's normal and healthy to date lots of people when you're young, I would say it's much healthier than getting too involved and serious with one person.

Don't even get into the whys and why nots of what happened. They're both so young it really doesn't matter and definitely doesn't make him a bad person.

Of course we haven't discussed it with her. This came up when talking to my husband, my eldest daughter but also the boy's mum volunteered the information in conversation. I know her quite well and she reached out to have a chat and find out what was happening.

This was actually my first reaction (secretly) because I was worried about how intense it had become and wasn't sure how to manage it.

For context, dd2 is my fourth child so I am well versed in teen relationships however never this young and never this intense. I barely registered my eldest boyfriends as much more what you would.expect.and a lot easier to manage in a lighthearted way.

This one was intense and took us by surprise because of the young age. Dd2 has stopped crying and although very quiet is now in her bedroom revising, which is a good sign. I feel a lot better now that she has stopped crying and is eating again!!

Ps.I wonder whether it got so intense as it coincided with DD1 going to university in September...i think DD2 was so upset at her going (they are very close) that she became more attached/intense with this boy and I suppose he just went along with it happily enough for quite a.while!

Tbh you've not really got any idea if they've always had honest and open communication. These are children, they aren't always as clear as they seem.

She'll be okay.

Thanks for all the advice, I am taking it on board. In reality she will never know what's happened and it would have helped her a bit but it is what it is now. He is a nice kid and he probably didn't want to hurt her. Really mainly I came on here to find out what to do to cheer her up but I guess she just has to get over it herself. She knows we love her and are here if she wants to talk (not keen on talking at all currently)