Is this normal 13 year old behaviour?

[DrSeuss84]

I have a 13 year old DD. We sailed through the toddler years with about 3 tantrums total. She’s been the child who is sunshine and laughter and always well behaved.

Since she turned 13 it feels like we have hit the mother of all hormone storms.

she will have a huge emotional outburst over something trivial….. I mean the “I hate my life” “you’re so mean” “no one cares about me” and the Today she dropped the f bomb! I’m getting Sass and sarcasm daily.

I feel like all I do is tell her off, take away privileges and argue back and forth.

She was the one who followed all the rules and never put a foot wrong.

she can fly out the room shouting “I hate my life I hate everyone” and literally come dancing down the stairs 15 minutes later with a smile on her face like nothing happened and ask if o I want to go get ice cream?!!

Is this normal? Am I doing something horribly wrong? Will it ever go back to normal?

I feel like I’m loosing my sanity.

@DrSeuss84

I disabled myself with Rumertoid athritis and OestoAthritis

I obviously not sure what disabilities your husband got,

I think what will be beneficial for both of you, yourself and your husband,

Is what i have been doing currently,
I live in Wales,

I am not sure if they do this well being scheme in England too,

I am assuming they do,

and that's being involved in a self referral called social prescribing scheme , through your doctor surgery
It's that you have a designated person connected to doctors services who looks at your health in a more Holistic ways such as your emotional and physical well being connections and how to start to improve this to a certain extant through being sign posted to various different charties organisations locally and online Internet that will be tailor suited to your wellbeing needs,

Such as i have been attending my local leisure centre to doing physio therapy exercise sessions to prepare me for knee op,

Also been having regular guest speakers on health matters topics and on regular basis you have supportive relatable friendly person guide who is encouraging to help you make necessary life style changes that will benefit you in a sustainable ways too..

Also some stuff online Internet wellbeing too so you can participate if you want to in your comfort of your home..

Also occasionally get invited to quite interesting day trips for people with health issues centred needs .

on this well being scheme you get entiled to cheaper rates of using your local leisure facilities services ...

I highly recommend this..

as you are quite often in a supportive envoriment small group who like to support each other..

@DrSeuss84

Just wondering 🤔 in your daughter's school have they got a well being safe space for pupils to go to when they feel a need to?

Also have they they got a designated wellbeing/ welfare person in your daughter's school ?
Such as pastrol care etc,

As obviously it's stress related your daughter tics

I also think 🤔 your daughter getting involved participating in emotionally absorbing hobbies and interests a mix of such as creativity activities and physical activities help her beneficially to relax better
and also being involved creative activities is brilliant for stress relief as it's like active mediation,
It would also her build up her self cofindence as navatigating teenage years is akin to emotional roller coaster 🎢 rides in one,

I think the real issue is she just trying to find her way her position in the school life ways of being,
whilst going through so much changes herself,
and then she got when she gets emotionally very stressed trying to deal with Tourettes tics to contend with too...

Have you really talked to her seriously about her emotions and how she presents? Because I wouldn't like her treating other family members like that, to think it's ok, so I wouldn't put up with that.

Have you asked her how things are and what's going on at school? Have you told her (in your own words) that having been a very settled child, She now seems to swinging from one emotion severely to another. Admittedly I don't have girls, but that extremism I wouldn't take as normal. Boys are different, but my youngest ds is very laid back, emotions don't swing. Are you addressing her swinging emotions at source and trying to get to the bottom of what is making her behave that way? I don't swing with my emotions like that and I bet you don't either, we have to be sympathetic to teenage girls but really you don't want your child Swinging that much and being anything other than level.

problems we can deal with, sensibly and calmly, but her behaviour sounds kind of very entitled and you say she wasn't always like this so have you talked to her about what's changed?

Sorry just seen update on Tourette and how clingy she is. You must be shattered. When was the last time you spoke to Senco and HoY. What's going on with dd friendship wise and academically. If she struggling more than you realise. Could more be put into place by school to ease her?

Honestly I wish I had read this advice a few years ago before it started. I think in that moment I would have thought “ok I was expecting this” rather than panicking and think something had gone terrible wrong. I was caught so off guard thinking “does she really hate her life?” What if she does …. That surely means I’ve got this parenting job horribly wrong. Reading that it is normal makes me feel so much better!

Academically she does really well she is exceeding in many subjects. Socially she really struggles. She never fully settles into a friendship group she is always the odd one out. She bounces from group to group trying to fit in.

The school have been fantastic. She is on a reduced schedule for the next 6 weeks to help her manage her exhaustion from
her tics and generally feeling overwhelmed at school. However that means she is home from 12:20 every day so I get even less time to myself.

New GP is fantastic his younger brother has Tourette’s and he is trying to help us access some support but there is very little available.

You are doing the right thing wondering if there is anything to worry about. You know your child and you've noticed a change. Yes it might all be par for the course, being a teen is hard etc but also there might be another reason she is struggling. All the more reason to keep the lines of communication open, dont tolerate her being verbally abusive but make sure she can talk to you about anything. The skills to parent teenager now have needed to shift a bit due to the pitfalls and stresses around being a modern teen.

Have you tried ignoring her outbursts instead of paying them attention? If taking privileges away isn't working then you could just try the "that's nice love, it's lasagne for tea" approach?

This is actually a really interesting idea that might be worth a try! If it works I will be coming back to you for more ideas.

It sounds fairly normal, I would take this because I can relate to it (I don't scream as much anymore but I still feel like that most months when hormones kick in), I have DS 13 who I'm really struggling with at the moment. He was such a happy lovely kid, the one that got us up and 6am full of joy and now he doesn't surface until lunch time and seems sad/annoyed constantly. I suppose it's male equivalent but it's really hard. Hope it gets better for you soon.

Sounds like she’s really struggling with sensory overwhelm at school. I understand the outbursts and that they can be a lot more intense than NT child especially if you have a child with neurodiversity/send adding to the load. For us school didn’t work out & we now have a hybrid education package but what’s been most insightful is that removing all the worst demands of school and it’s busy noisy environment we see hardly any outbursts now and a much happier young lady able to cope with her emotions. She’s also very academically able. School did put in place daily sensory breaks & quiet club at break times plus reduced timetable but it wasn’t enough for her.

My nearly 13 yr old DD is really struggling to enjoy life at the moment. She loves hanging out with her two friends and they often come round after school ( one is lovely the other is more manipulative) . She’s says she feels tired all the time though, she isolates in her room or continuously watches tele which we try to restrict. She doesn’t engage in any extra curricular activities in spite my encouraging her too.
I feel like I'm such a terrible parent for not being able to do fun things with her anymore. she’s very moody, constantly defensive and irritable and if we suggest a family outing she immediately turns it down.
she’ll eat dinner with us ( older DD is currently doing GCSES so is always busy studying) but that’s all she’ll do to engage .
how can I encourage her to take up more hobbies? She dismisses anything I suggest but I know it would do her good to take up something new.
I’m worried this isn’t normal and that I should be taking it further to the GP,
or is this just impending teenager gloom!?
help!!

This is really good advice. Lots of people talk about discipline, rules and consequences but that can very easily spiral into constant conflict.

Your daughter needs to know she is loved, yes address the rudeness but ride it out to a certain extent and don't make your relationship solely about you taking away privileges whenever she's not perfect - and that's particularly true of a child with additional needs like tourettes. She'll be exhausted trying to control it in a school environment and needs you to be her safe place. Phrases like 'I understand you're frustrated, but we don't speak to each other like that in this house. Go and take a minute to calm yourself down'.

De-escalate, de-escalate, de-escalate.