Am I the AH if I say no to after prom party

[YourZanyNewt]

Hi
My DD/ 15yr old / yr 11 is super stressed about exams at the mo!! She’s young for her age, naive and doesn’t drink alcohol yet (except Xmas with us). After prom she’s been invited to a field to party/ drink or to a house party with one of her friends - lots of punch/ home brew etc.. Prom is a Thursday night, so I have work the next day. Prom doesn’t finish till 11pm, she’s insisting I pick her up to bring her home (40 min round trip), then drop her to the house party (20 min trip) for a 4am collection. I’ve told her no, she’s called me 101 names! I m trying to keep the peace, as want her to concentrate on her revision! Am I the AH here……😭xx ( have said yes to actual prom!) thanks

Of she was calling me names ,I'd be considering not allowing her to go to prom tbh

What's a AH?

Sorry OP but my DD (also year 11) would be absolutely gutted if I didn't let her go to after prom! Can you compromise? 1am pick up rather than 4am?

I’m fairly relaxed, but no way to 4am finish for a 15 year old. And if she’s rude, no partying at all!

If it's after exams, then yes let her do it. 4am is a bit much. Would she agree to 1-2am

Arsehole

It stands for asshole in this context i believe

As it’s a one off I would negotiate a 2am finish.

Can she sleep over at a friend's house? I would find a way to let her to go the party but I wouldn't be able to do a 4am pick up even if that wasn't far too late!

It’s a one off and it’s an important event in a teenager’s social calendar - I’d allow a 1am (poss 2am) pick up but would withdraw the offer if she continued to throw a strop.

In her defence it would be absolutely gutting for her (with her 16 year old emotions) to miss out if everyone is talking about it. Speaking as someone who almost wasn’t allowed to go, I remember it felt crushing.

They all do it and it's a rite of passage. For one night I think it's fine. GCSEs are hard going.

The after prom party is very important to teens.

After party - blimey! What is your work? I would excuse the name calling (inwardly at least) due to stress and the disproportionate importance of this sort of thing for a teen. I am pretty good at late nights so I’d probably set my alarm, go and get her, and go back to bed and try and cope in work the next day. But it of course depends on what your work is. Can other parents help? Pretty sure not many people will want to collect at 4am.

Do people still make home brew? That phrase has taken me right back to my childhood 😁

It wouldn't bother me to pick up as a one off but clearly it's not something you want to do so maybe explore alternatives. It would be a shame if she missed out

We had the same last year and she went but said it was a waste of time as everyone was tired and the gap. In between prom and the after party killled the buzz.

I'd let her go and find out for herself. Might do you a favour in the long run as IMO banning anything from teens makes it 100% more appealing! ☺️

I’ve now said she “may” be able to go, but it’ll be a 1am pick up and she has to rain in her attitude and show me she’s working hard and can be sensible !! She’s also been texting a 30yr old male she met at a Comic-Con- blames stress of exams, needs an escape!! (Only basic chat, but have told her to stop- she started the chat off… x)

After prom is the main event. Can you book the next day off or sharelifts with a friend?

I work in a special primary school- so will be on my feet the next day- full on and always short staffed!! X

Our school usually organises an activity the next day which requires them being up early. The year DD was year 11 it was their leavers assembly, most of the kids looked wrecked! 🤣

Love this🫠😂

Surely there are loads of kids going from one to the other? Can't she find a lift? You collect from prom and drop to party a couple of her friends then one of the parents collects from party and drops home? Though to be honest as it's a one off and a celebration I'd do it (and my experience is that most just crash wherever it is).

A 4am pick up would be a no from me. Can she get a lift from prom to the party with a friend, and then you pick up from the party at 1 or 2am? A compromise seems in order here.

WTF? Never mind prom.

No 30yo man texts a 15yo girl without knowing it's dodgy.

I wouldn't put the onus on her to stop, I'd be calling him to introduce myself as the mum & tell him to stop texting teen girls.

Can anyone else.do the prom pick up? Dad? A friend's mum?

I would really try to compromise on this if possible - if you were collecting her at 1 pm I doubt if you would be the only parent unless some of the students are doing a sleepover .

Regarding the alcohol - if you think she's likely to drink better to introduce her to something like the flavour ciders and give her a couple of cans to take with her.

The online convo with the older male is where you do draw the line!