Advice on vaping

[mermaidgem]

My son is 14. I’ve just found out that my partner, my son’s dad, has been giving him vapes. As background, I lost my mum at the end of 2022, myself and my son were really close to her and it’s been incredibly difficult for us without her. My son has been struggling with that and the stress that comes with being a teenager, especially school. My partner is, unfortunately, addicted to cocaine and is an alcoholic, he has always been a good dad however and has never done anything to hurt him. I found out tonight that he secretly passed my son a vape and when I called him out on it he said he did it because he’s stressed at school. I’m mad as hell, I’ve always been so sure that he wouldn’t ever do anything to affect our son and now I just can’t trust him. Basically I just need him to see that what he’s done is not the right way to do things, it’s not how a parent acts. I need other parents to speak out about what they’d do in my situation.
I’ve taken the vape away from my son, I’ve told him we will talk about it tomorrow after school.

Wow, the issue here is with your partner. He has sent out a message to your son that drugs (because vapes dispense nicotine) are the solution to stress, setting your son up with the unhealthy habits your partner himself is saddled with.

You need to break the cycle here and have a serious conversation with your partner about what you both want for your son and find a way to parent together. You both need to do some research on vapes and how they are harmful to young people.

As the above poster says, he is the problem & if you aren’t careful your son will end up like his Dad. Is he doing anything to get off the cocaine & alcohol?? Although you say he’s a good dad etc, your son is 14 he will be well aware of when dad is ‘normal’ and when dad is ‘high’.

Thankyou. We are now separated. I couldn’t just get over what he did, it’s one thing putting yourself in danger but it’s a whole different story once you’re willing to put a child through the same thing as you. I also realised he’s kind of lost the line between being his parent and being his friend. Plus of course it was too much for me to be dealing with. So to answer your question Hye000, as far as I’m aware he’s not doing anything to get off alcohol or cocaine, he’s still in denial that he even has a problem even though he’s drinking every night at least 4 big bottles of beer. And taking cocaine at least every two days sometimes more.

Sorry that you are going through the pain of separation but in the circumstances it sounds like the best course of action for you and your son. Parenting a teen is challenging enough without having to worry about another adult who doesn't sound ready and able to take on that challenge. Good luck.