Really struggling here. My beautiful dd was always slightly well covered in primary school. I wouldn’t say chubby, but definitely plump cheeks. She is also exceptionally tall, and you could see fat gathering in strange places when her breasts were growing, so put it down to that. When she hit secondary, she had to walk lots, to school and around school, started having hot lunches, a d consequently smaller dinners. Weight started dropping off, which we put down to change in lifestyle, appetite and hormones. During this year her curves developed ‘properly’ and so it seemed about right that fat was gathering in the ‘right’ areas and falling off tummy etc. By the summer of Year 7 into Year 8 she was perfectly proportionate and had an amazing figure really. Lots of compliments. She seemed to enjoy looking good and was looking for bikinis.
In year 8 she carried on losing weight, but wearing baggy clothes so it wasn’t really obvious until the Christmas holidays. She was suddenly thin, and we became aware from friends parents that she was only having soup at school. She is exceptionally tall and plays sport so needs a lot of calories. She became unwell with a mild virus she couldn’t shake off, and ended up at home for a few months with post viral fatigue. Whilst she was at home I watched her meals. She didn’t eat lots, but enough, and quite a lot of chocolate so fears were put to rest. Weight loss was discussed and put down to illness. She was very clear that she was eating. She didn’t seem to lose any more weight when she was with me.
She went back to school in March and by the Easter hols she was exhausted again and suddenly looking thin. Thin thighs and thin wrists. Her face has no fat - she’s 13. She flew into a rage about me having her phone so I went through it, and found lots about diets and idolising thin women - they looked cgi-d into an unobtainable hourglass. She has admitted that she tries to eat between 500-1200 cals a day, starves one day a week and throws up sometimes. (No idea how much. She initially said she’d tried lots but failed. Then successful once. Then said she was successful quite a few times… I have no idea). She doesn’t have school lunch and gives her snack to friends. She said this has been going on since the start of Year 8.
We went to the GP who weighed and measured her. She has grown a couple of centimetres since Jan, and lost weight. I think 4 kilos, she thinks 1. Of it was 4 kilos, This places her at ‘just’ underweight on an adult BMI, or 35% per centile healthy weight if you look at the kids scores. She has been referred to an eating disorder clinic and we have an appointment in a couple of weeks. Her bloods have come back with some borderline results. GP said they are in line with ED - slow thyroid and low salt. Her bloods were previously done in Feb and they were all fine.
I’m out of my depth really. I have another child who is overweight, and I had been trying to secretly diet him to a healthy weight, now I have the opposite problem with my dd. I am hoping that the ED clinic say she doesn’t qualify for them, but on the flip, if they do say that, what do I do? School are useless and have said she’ll just need to come and have lunch at home. I have been giving her a high calorie breakfast (egg on English muffin, with something like a slice of bacon, plus hot choc and juice. I don’t think she is that clued on calories, but this morning refused the egg because it was cooked in oil) and we negotiate snacks. She has been eating this week. I don’t know if it stays down, but she has to stay within sight after meals at home. Her mood is all over the place but she remains engaged. She is clear she wants to get better, and is worried that she won’t ‘qualify’. I am worried she has dysmorphia, but her body shape has gone a little odd. Her limbs are skinny, her face has no weight, but she has well developed breasts (C cup) and a tummy that is out of proportion with the rest of her. It’s a little bigger than it was last summer, whereas the rest of her is much thinner. I wouldn’t say she has a tummy, it’s just not thin like the rest of her. To my eye she looks like she could do with an extra stone and a half, but that would be if she was an adult. She is the size (frame) of an adult so that would kind of make sense to me. She thinks she needs to lose weight, judges by eye, and although she wants to get better, she is also clear that she is not going to put on any weight. By the child BMI she wouldn’t. And compared to other 13 year olds, a lot of them are super skinny, but they all seem so tiny in frame compared to her. She is 6’1’’ and has a strong frame in terms of broad shoulders.
So I suppose I’m initially asking, what are the ED assessments based on? I am really worried that if she doesn’t qualify she will think what she’s doing is fine. It shocks me what she is trying to limit herself too and I am surprised and relieved that she’s not smaller. But obviously I also understand that services are stretched and I assume they have a bar.
Im also wondering - Am I overly worried? I am (a bit) overweight myself so might be a bad judge, but she just looks like she has nothing, and I am concerned that all of her illness is actually caused by not eating. She can’t get through the day at the moment. No sports, too exhausted to walk to school. I can’t imagine I am overreacting but really hope so. I have had a tension headache since finding out. I can usually deal with problems head on but this one has me totally floored and heartbroken really. And a lot of internal soul searching in how things have got so broken.