Teenager trouble- need to move area advice needed!

[GreyTurtle]

Hi All,

So I have a nearly 16 year old who has got herself in some trouble with rough teens who turned up outside my house screaming for her to come outside. About 20 of them. Things have not died down and she's being threatened online ( she keeps activating her socials to see what is being said against my wishes).

Anyway I need to move I haven't slept properly in a week I'm a nervous wreck and even if it blows over I'm ready to move. My daughter needs a fresh start as she is always attracting trouble and my son has gone to live with his dad temporarily as he's an anxious child n he will not be able to sleep in this house again.

Looking at areas, I'm in the Midlands. Any advice for the best place to raise teenagers please.

Thank you for reading.

Gosh this sounds awful op.
What trouble as she started?
Shes not helping with keeping on SM either it will make things worse if she responds back.
You say she is always attracting trouble has this happened before at other places you cant keep moving away if she will do it a gain.
Do get the police if there is 20 plus people outside and dont think twice about it.
You have a son that as ran to his dads because he`s scared of the trouble.
Its not fair on him or you.
You need to have some strong words with her.

No idea on area, you need to get out of the same school catchment, where is her DF if he's far enough away can you move closer to him? Sounds like your DD needs some support if she's attracting so much dislike. It may be mostly 'them' but she must be adding fuel to the fire for them to turn up at your house like that. Really scary.

Thank you both. She's definitely not an innocent party she did give mouth back and what started as a near fight in school ended up spiralling into intimidation and us being scared in our own home. The trouble she gets into is doing silly things that she knows better of and I've been getting calls that she's done this or done that since she was younger. But she's not on the level of these youths and i think this has scared her too. Only choice right now is to keep her in the house n my son at his dads until we find somewhere to start again. Im thinking somewhere quiet like Warwick?

Are you a private renter if so it may be easier to move.

I am yes thankfully so I'm in the process of packing for when I can move

Try and talk to her about deleting all SM accounts for her own sake.
If anyone is outside your home call the police right away.

You need to urgently deal with your DD’s issues too, which if I’m being honest sound very severe since things have escalated this far and it’s not a one off incident. If you don’t then no matter where you move she is going to keep causing trouble.

If she's nearly 16, which school year is she in? Surely she's about to sit GCSEs?

I doubt Warwick is far enough to deal with this. Can you move further away? What about a non-city environment? What is it that gets your dd in trouble?

What about Cirencester or Cheltenham. Put some real distance between her and the 'trouble' but also a change of culture.

If I could I'd throw the phone out of the window I don't trust social media n I don't trust her when she's using it. But in a way she has me over a barrel, she self harms and has explosive episodes followed by intense low mood. That I know if I did that this would follow. She is having CBT but no mental assessment despite pushing for one.

It's a fear I have too that il do all this n they'll be something else. Trouble she gets into is things like trouble in friendship groups, caught with weed, truanting, self piercing, doing silly trends because it is trending. Usual teenage things in a city I'm afraid to say. She is lost and she needs to see that life can be different.

Yes her gcses start this week. The school are contacting me to arrange somewhere else for her to sit them. Though if I'm honest I think she will have to resit a few of them anyway. She's a bright girl but not at school enough to reach her potential.

I shall definitely look into those places.

Thank you all and sorry for so much to read my head is so full right now

What about somewhere near the coast? I know it’s a lot further than you had in mind but it’s quieter, I always envision it to be calmer in those places especially during off peak, quiet walks along the beach instead of being cooped up in her room on SM causing trouble. It’s also far away enough that she’s not going to be catching a bus back to cause more drama. Your son could move there once you are settled & have spent some time working on changing your daughters negative habits.

by the way, I think you are a wonderful mom & are so brave & strong doing what you are doing for your daughter. Takes a lot to uproot & move your whole life! Most people would stick their head in the sand.

I’ve lived in a few coastal areas and drug among teens is rife because there’s nothing much to do.

The immediate problem is you still need to stay for her to sit GCSE's. What are the school saying. What is HoY suggesting. Have you written it all down in an email so that there a paper trail of evidence? Have you actually phoned the police? I would. Yes you need to help her deal with her behaviour that led to this, but that is a long term plan. Right now you have a more immediate issue.