Does anyone's 13 year old daughter want a pen pal?

[QueenUnholyChaosVII]

This is real - and I am real - long term poster (t-rexing, cutted-up pear, Suzy Quatro's fat nan). Obviously we will have to check each other out for safety before going ahead - if anyone is interested.

My thirteen year old daughter is interested in music, art, likes socialising, likes writing, is very thoughtful, has a really nice group of friends in real life and has suddenly (but persistently) announced that she would like a pen friend. I immediately thought of my friends who have children the right age and then I thought it might be interesting - and kind of freer - for her to be communicating with someone who isn't through me. Obviously so she can bitch about me if she wants to (we have a great relationship but I am sure I drive her mad at times). But also just for that wonderful sense of something being all your own, that is wonderful when you are that age.

sorry if this is going to sound a bit fascist but I won't be encouraging a friendship with any kids who are going down a gender rabbit hole (no signs of that here, won't be encouraging it). If that is your kid I wish you well but I would rather not be getting into that.

Does anyone feel that they have a similar 13 year old girl who would like to pair up?

Sorry I have no 13 year old but I just wanted to comment on your contributions to ensuring we knew you were real and a long timer 😂😂
made me lol a bit in remembrance

Sorry I can’t be of any help, my DD is 19 now but have you thought of getting her a pen pal outside of the UK so that she can practice her language skills? DD’s amazing French teacher matched each of the girls in her class with a pen pal of the same age at a school in the south of France. It was brilliant for them learning wise and even 9 years on some are still in contact

That's kind of a separate thing, she might do that for her modern language subject but that's educational rather than an actual fun friendship in your first language. I feel like that would be like when you ask for a milkshake and your mum tries to convince you that a glass of milk is kind of the same, but even more wholesome!

why is this nuts? Yes she has loads of friends in real life, what is wrong with a pen friend as well? What is "not right" about it? I mean there is a safety aspect but if anyone came forward we (parents) would check each other out first

How old are you, just out of interest?

I wouldn’t say so, things can be fun and educational at the same time. One of the girls even ended up meeting her penpal on a family holiday to that area of France and they had a fabulous time together

that does sound great
I will talk to her language teacher

You can’t trust people you meet on here - you’re advertising contact with a 13 year old girl on the web.

but I have met people on here, and they are good friends of mine now. I am not going to dish out my daughter's contact details to people I have no further knowledge of than their internet presence, but it's a starting point

I wish I had started this in AIBU so I could do a poll. I'd love to know how many people think this is intrinsicaly insane. In the olden days there were all sorts of ways to use forums and so on to meet people. Nowadays it seems that is only acceptable strictly for sex and dating (and in fact the only way young people think you can do sex and dating)

this is never going to work if everyone thinks that only weirdos want to meet new people; or that all attempts to meet new people must be about sex. Because in that case they're the only people I'll get

but - it never used to be that way! [wail]

I mean the way I see it, she can't do anything without my vetting it. here or anywhere. Say she joins a club, and that leads to a trip, she can't go without me finding out whose leading it and how safe it is. Say someone through the club invites her to a social event, she can't go without me finding out where it is and who with and having a view on them. Same here. I made friends online, if my daughter socialises with their kids now (she does), is that insane?

I'm sorry but I really think this is a silly thing to do, you have no idea who anyone really is on here.

ok I was just curious because your response made me think you might be quite young and / or insular - but I guess not, I guess it's just me

I am 52 and I have been to quite a lot of places and done quite a lot of things by just sort of approaching new people and situations and giving them a go. I guess some people don't really do that

I can't help, but I remember aged 9 or 10, our school paired up with a school in the States and we all were 'given' a pen pal. I loved exchanging those letters!

This is a really nice idea, but I take people's points about online facilitating.

In the olden days, MN was more of a community feel and we did have meet-ups etc, but it has become a bigger beast now - (as has the internet tbh).

My DD had a penpal through school - her class paired up with a class abroad and they exchanged letters. Does your school (or town) have a 'twin'? Perhaps that would be the way to go?

yeah ok I will go with the majority, nothing will come of this

I am 56 and no shrinking violet but I once posted on a totally innocent, mundane thread on here and someone private messaged me telling me they were a woman in a similar position as me blah blah blah. They appeared really genuine and we began messaging each other. Then they started with the sex chat, they actually brought it up under the guise of a very intimate medical problem their child had that they were worried about but it soon escalated into obscenity and I suspect they weren't really a woman at all. I'd never trust anyone on here to be who they say they are, how on earth can you check them out? They might wait until your daughter starts corresponding with them. Are you really going to give her name and address to a total stranger? As others have said, you are offering up access to your 13 year old daughter to goodness knows who. Surely there are better ways to find a penpal for her?

It's so telling though isn't it, that we see '13 year old girl' and kick off. Because the first thing that springs to mind is, predictably and depressingly, grooming/sex.

I think it is a nice idea. I had an Australian pen pal. Don’t know how that ever came about in the 80’s. I just feel sad that everyone thinks we are going to be harmed by others all of the time. There would be plenty of ways of vetting a potential pen pal. Honestly if I had a thirteen year old daughter I would be happy (after talking to a parent, checking the address out, having a google of the parents etc.) for my child to receive a letter from another child. Most 13 year olds are streetwise these days. Also I would chat to my child to raise any concerns.
I am glad my head lives in a world were 99% of people are good🥰

www.globalpenfriends.com/index.php?page=penpal_tour

Op try something like this or ask your kids school if they could set something up?

Hi OP, I have a 12year old (she’s 13 this year). I am a long time poster also. Welcome to message me :)