Unmotivated Teens

[Oyemwen]

My teens are very unmotivated between 11 - 17 girls.
Especially concerning chores, Timing don't mind if they are late for school,
Everyday I shout & shout before any thing can be done in the house, if I don't shout, nothing is done.
Close can be scattered on the floor & they just step on them and walk away, I have to tell them to pick up clothes from the floor up to 3 times before any is picked up .
Same with everything.
I am getting tired of all these non challant attitude. Pls what can I do

You are not alone. This is a difficult age. How about you call a meeting. Set out what you perceive to be the problem areas. Ask for ideas from them. Then establish a reward system? They have to buy into it, and you have to sustain it. But if it works it will be better than the futile frustration and yelling.

I feel your pain! Unfortunately I have had to tie household chores/help to phone use. It's amazing how well it works.

I say that they are part of a family and that we need to help each other out. I also pick my battles regarding untidy bedrooms.

If they want a lift somewhere I will often ask for them to tidy their room first.

Sometimes I will ring them before I get home asking them to do X, Y, and Z so that we can have a nice evening. I feel like the advance notice tends to motivate them a bit.

What happens if you... Stop shouting?

I'm serious.

I know you say they don't care if they're late for school, but they might start to care when their teachers tell them off. Likewise, they will eventually get tired of having their clothes on the floor, especially if they share a room - they'll end up having to sort it out amongst themselves.

Read up on intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation. Doing things to stop someone shouting at you is the latter. It's not a good thing for anyone in the long term.

Also, pick your battles. For example, don't let them disrespect you by leaving a mess in communal areas for you to clean, but it's not the end of the world if their own bedroom is messy.

I suppose that's where I generally draw the line - when it directly affects you, stand up for yourself. When they are the ones who should care... Let them take ownership of it and develop some pride in their own affairs. It will come. Just not perfectly, all at once.

@TulipsAndForgetmenots i am not sure this is true for all teenagers. My dd literally NEVER tidies her room unless it is under some threat ie she won’t get a lift to her clubs or whatever. She will wear the same dirty clothes over and over. She doesn’t even shower without being reminded repeatedly (I have tested this over Easter and i broke after 11 days of her not washing her hair).

I do believe she will grow out of it, but some kids have a lazy streak a mile wide and a mile deep, and simply respecting their choices ends up with them being mired in filth 😫😜

I saw a clip recently of a woman saying that as kids brains aren't fully developed yet, you are providing that function - where when they are older, their own brains will be reminding of themselves, at the moment, you are their brain reminding them.

That somehow made it a bit easier for me to keep it up without getting cross.