Teen not eating lunch

[AreTheyOrArentThey]

I’ve posted about my teenage son before, who has struggled with gender dysphoria for a few years.

earlier this year he also started self harming and had a rough few months of extreme attention seeking behaviour to friends (they way he acts around us you wouldn’t know at all anything was wrong) and part of that was starting to avoid eating around them. We haven’t brought up this disordered eating because his eating habits are normal at home, 100% sure he’s not throwing up etc. but I think every day this week and lots of last week he didn’t eat at school. He doesn’t hide it so I’m not sure what’s going on but I don’t know what I should do

for the record, he absolutely refuses to engage with any conversation that is difficult or personal. He had a therapist which he eventually just stopped talking to so we took a break but he has asked to find a new one (face to face which is more difficult) and we’re in the middle of that process.

he self harmed yesterday and even when I ask yes and no questions it’s hard to get an answer even about them. I’m at such a loss and so worried about him. He’s on his way back from an activity now and I just have no idea what to say to him

Do Safeguarding at school know?

On its own, not eating at school isn't really an issue. There's plenty of secondary dc who don't eat at school. Either because they don't like the food and their adults don't let them bring food from home (usually because they have free dinners) or because they don't want to do to the dinner hall because it's noisy or too busy or because they would rather spend their lunchtime doing something else. Like football. He won't starve if suffer from not eating at school.

However the issues here extend way beyond that. It sounds like there is a lot going on.

You are doing the right thing by trying to find a new therapist.

I would let the school know that you are concerned about his eating but I wouldn't want them meddling in it beyond offering an empty classroom or something for him and a friend at lunch as sounds like a more serious issue than they are going to be able to handle.

Yes they know the issues that have been presenting. We had a meeting with them a few months ago especially because he has other desperate attention seeking behaviour around his friends like sending very intense dark messages about what a horrible person he is and we wanted to make sure their parents and school were aware so they were supported too