I want to live with...

[Justseenithink]

My teenage daughter has just started to throw ' I want to live with my grandparents' at me whenever I pull her up for her behaviour.

They live in Wales (we're in England) and she hasn't seen them in two years. Having said that they dote on her and give her anything she asks - partly to make up for not seeing her often and their son not being in the picture.

But I just don't know how to handle it. And often don't deal with it well. They refuse to speak to me so I stay out of their relationship and while I don't bad mouth them they have treated me very badly.

I know it's normal teenage stuff, but there's an edge because I'm a lone parent. Anyone got any advice?

I would just say something basic like "I understand you're frustrated with me, but I love you and I'm your mum'.

They almost certainly don't mean it, they presumably just mean 'I'm a teenager, get me out of here'.

Try not to worry about your baggage with the grandparents, just focus on the bond with your daughter in the heated moments. In calmer times you can tell her a bit more about how they are with you - factually not angrily - so she's more aware.

I'd tell her what they are like to you

That's a really useful phrase qwerty. I'm going to try and pull that out when it kicks off.

How old is your daughter and does she have WhatsApp/their mobile number to communicate with her grandparents? It is wrong they refuse to communicate with you. Still nowt so strange as folk.

If she is 16 legally she can catch trains on her own by then if they can collect her from the other end. This means she can potentially stay half terms and school holidays.

I let ds stay down in London regularly and although everybody is on speaking terms I find it best to communicate to the ex by whatsapp. Since ds was 18 he arranges his visits himself. Now he is in a full time job he goes during annual leave. So I seldom communicate much now.

I would encourage her to communicate with them through mobile or WhatsApp as she can send photos too from her direct e.g. doing girl guides or whatever she gets up to. That way it will hopefully inspire them to let her visit. If you feel happy with that of course.

She's only 13 @Augustus40 so a way off from travelling that distance on her own. They are in contact via WhatsApp which I've encouraged, I stay out of it.

Oh ok. Possibly in three more years she could stay for the odd week or so each year subject to anything else. I remember ds being moody around this age. Though boys mature more slowly than girls. Hopefully you have family support of your own though to assist you b oth?

In time things may settle down ref your ex though some.people are just difficult characters to start with. Who knows.