Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

13 Yr old dd changed massively

10 replies

ForBlueBird · 23/04/2024 09:29

OK so dd13 is my first born so all this teenager thing is new to me. She is very bright attends grammar school. A few months back she went very quiet. Then started her period so I know there's a lot of changes physically. She seems to have a good peer group but I know there were some changes within the friendship group recently. I thought its all normal girl stuff. We've always let her have her phone (not smart phone) and laptop in her room . She started putting the screen down as soon as we would come in and put a pin on her phone. Her sisters aged 10 and 9 told me they saw some messages to her friend on her phone saying how she hated her life and parents. This is so out of character for her. We've always had a very good relationship where she's been given a lot of love which she always reciprocated. I had a chat with her to ask where this is coming from but she didn't open up. I know she's got into music recently and likes watching YouTube shorts but I can't see anything too concerning on her lap top. However We've now taken the lap top downstairs as we were not seeing her for more than 20.minutes a day in the easter holidays as she was always in her room. I'm worried she may be depressed? She has no empathy at all any more never apologises or comes for hugs etc like she used to. She swears a lot as well at school with peers as sometimes will say the words at home and I know its from school. I feel like I've lost my daughter...am i being ott?? How do I keep.my close relationship with her without pushing her away?

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 23/04/2024 09:31

What is she looking at on her phone?

loropianalover · 23/04/2024 09:37

not nice to experience but it all sounds pretty normal honestly. I hated being 13/14 and hated everyone and myself. Just keep going with what you’re doing, it really is just a phase. I’d be looking to limit internet/laptop time as much as possible but I know it’s super hard and I know I would have gone mad if my mum had taken me away from YouTube and Tumblr at 14 🤣

Maybe a quiet check in with school too, see if they’ve noticed a change in her? Sometimes they just have so many emotions and it all comes out at home.

Savoretti · 23/04/2024 09:45

Sounds perfectly normal at her age. They go from cuddly to prickly seemingly overnight.
I have a 14 year old exactly like this. We only see her for mealtimes and sometimes she barely speaks even then.
Just make sure she knows you are always there for her, even if she doesn’t want you.
We offered ours counselling so that she has someone to talk to if she wants (obviously parents are the last people a teen wants to open up to) and she agreed so that’s also an option

Fulshaw · 23/04/2024 09:48

Sounds exactly like mine so I think it’s normal. I did wonder briefly about depression but I think it’s more likely that it’s just normal teenage hormones. They have to break away from you, that’s how they become adults!

ForBlueBird · 23/04/2024 09:49

She's uses her phone to text only as it's not a smart phone. Her messages contain a lot of swearing and talking about a boy band the girls are in to. On the lap top she made a tik tok account which she knows we don't like and harmless things on Pinterest. I've told her please don't hide it u can show Me and I can advise u and then its up.to you if u still want to follow a certain path. But maybe she just doesn't want to show me as I'm boring mum now or wants more privacy. It's just such a change but reassuring if others have experienced this as just a phase.

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 23/04/2024 09:51

Does she still have TikTok?

Comedycook · 23/04/2024 09:52

Her messages contain a lot of swearing and talking about a boy band the girls are in to

This is perfectly normal

YesIminbedsowhat · 23/04/2024 09:57

Also, ours not surprising she wants a pin on her phone if her sisters are invading her privacy 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's ok for parents to check messages but not for her younger siblings.

ForBlueBird · 23/04/2024 10:13

The sister looked over her shoulder one day. Not ideal I know. She has opened up to her sisters more recently than she used to it's almost like us vs them. But I'm.also worried she's teaching them things they don't need to know right know like the explicit language. I dk what she was doing on tik tok exactly

OP posts:
thismummydrinksgin · 24/04/2024 16:29

Most 13 year olds have smart phones - could this be the none of contention ? I completely understand why you wouldn't give her one but she might feel left out x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page