How on earth are you supposed to stop teens looking at awful content

[Trepidfox]

Just seen my 13 year old has been viewing porn via reddit. Have now blocked that via our router but I've just spent 2 hours reading all the ways they can swerve filters etc...tumblr, Pinterest and typing codes before searching in browsers to name but a few.

Is there any guidance anyone can give that might help. We set time limits have safe search etc but once age 13 I've read basically family doesn't really work as they can bypass you.

We've had lots of talks, I under the curiosity but obviously porn is massively damaging and I'm actually so gutted to see it's being accessed/watched.

😪

I've just had a chat with my son who is up to similar. It's quite scary and frustrating that I can't seem to do much about it. How did you check your router settings?

No easy answers but in the same boat here - DS13 recently got round our controls and watched porn. Really knocked me, I'm not ready for him to be exposed to some of the awful things that are available on the internet.

We spoke about how porn is not a fair representation of real life, and that many of the women in it may be under pressure, but he's a teenage boy - I don't know how much of this registers with him and it scares me!

In the same boat. Trying to discuss but son’s not open to it, been sneaking round, taking more notice of peer group who I was he wasn’t influenced by, can’t seem to see the dangers etc especially scams etc. i just find it scary that the new way to form relationships seems online and it’s open to so much abuse. He’s also got around parental controls installed a VPN. I want to remove the phone but that doesn’t seem to be the answer either 🤷‍♀️

We have Google family. My some cannot install anything without needing to request it via me first.

He has no tiktok, no Facebook, no browser access nothing on his 'private' device.

The only Internet access in this house is via the family desktop.

We have a Gryphon device (Amazon) nothing gets through that. Been using it for 6 years

hi Op I work in the field of online harm/ protection - a policeman who deals with a lot of the fall out of this gave me this advice - put blocks on absolutely everything you can it is literally the only way. He said it won't stop exposure but it will stop thme becoming addicted.

Sadly until the big tech companies are held to account for the shit they are spewing out onto the internet with no age verification (despite the introductin of the Online Safety bill = big porn companies were then given another 18 months before they have to actually make sure kids can't see porn) -

I think we have sleep walked into catastrophe - millioins of kids growing up watching hardcore porn - and parents are of course finding it difficult to stop kids seeing it.

The more tech they have access to - the weaker the rules around it - the more unsupervised access (ie. in their bedrooms/ bathrooms) - the more of this shit they will see.

Despite my professional knowledge as a parent I feel totally overwhelmed by it.

I use an app called Qustudio and I pay for the premuium subscriptino - it is very effective but my son seems to be able to uninstall it.

Call the phone company and they can block the websites, I’m sure Wi-Fi companies can too

Also explain to them about porn, the hideous conditions, about trafficking and about loving relationships. even if you block everything someone at school will probably show them something. Explain about peer pressure and encourage friendships with kids you think are decent.

I used to say that I was taking my laptop to be checked over by the technicians at work because I thought I had a virus. That stopped the activity really quickly.

If you think you can control accessing that type of content at 13 in todays online world you’re mistaken. They will always find a way. Sadly there’s too much allusion to porn on the internet to be able to keep young boys from wanting to access it.

It’s wrong and damaging I agree but it’s no different to vaping or smoking, we know and tell them it’s utterly catastrophic for their health but ultimately impossible to stop teens from trying or using if they want to unless they’re under lock and key 24/7.

I think they will always find a way if they are really determined, but there are ways to discourage/limit access. I think it all depends on children's ages how much you try to block and how much you can educate.

On apple there are lots of restriction settings, there are also wi-fi limits, there are physical actions like not having tech in their bedrooms or overnight. I think it's a case of starting off really strict, reviewing their history, limiting use and slowly allowing independent choice.

My son's school is offering sessions on e-safety for parents.

My 14yrs son has just some out with some horrific woman-hating stuff during an argument with me. He could only have picked it up online.

On the upside, it was a good opportunity to get a "window on his world" and then severely challenge him on this toxic bullshit.

@Mumofteens4892
Seems to be an element of misogynistic teen culture out there. Obvs there was Andrew Tate but unsure if it’s all down to him or something else. 🤷‍♀️