DD always takes my comments as criticism

[Sunshinedreams1970]

My DD is 18 and in her 1st year at Uni. She has is intelligent, beautiful, interesting and I am constantly delighted by her.
But she reframes everything anyone says as a criticism examples are: I say ’I need to work out where your bags will fit in the car’ -she hears ‘ ‘You have packed too much stuff’.
It’s getting to the point where I am scared to make conversation for fear of her feeling criticised and belittled. I visited her at Uni this weekend and was gently asking about whether she had met anyone (she has never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, she struggles to let people get close to her). I asked how people do dating these days as I know it’s not the same as when I was young, do students do dating apps? Honestly just curious and making conversation She gets all defensive and says ‘Mum you think I’m lonely and on the shelf at 18’. She wasn’t joking.
What am so doing wrong? Is there a better way to chat? Honestly if I compliment her: it’s wrong, I don’t dare criticise her and even commenting about someone else makes her feel like I’m trying to get a dig in. I’m not! I just want to have dialogue with her.

I don't dare criticise her

Good - it's not your place to criticise anything. She's an adult now.

God I am cringing for you OP. Casually asking your 18 year old how students date nowadays "out of curiosity" is so loaded.

Leave her alone, stop asking her about dating and don't offer advice unless you're directly asked.

If you want to improve her self esteem give her some genuine compliments.

Oh come on, would you have wanted to talk to your mother about who you were shagging when you were 18?

If she wants to talk to you, she will talk. You don't have to patronise her by "casually mentioning" things you are worried about.

I’m not saying this is the case OP, but for me, I just don’t converse with my mother and haven’t for many years as I wasn’t confident as to what would happen with the information given.

Would it be used to judge, gossip or be rehashed at a later date to my detriment.

It’s worth trying to ensure you don’t do this if you can.

(I have to say, the car thing would annoy with, as it would make me feel like I was just one constant nuisance to be dealt with)