Meeting tomorrow regarding DD being assaulted in school by BF

[mumofblu]

Long story, Dd was involved in dv relationship with a boy between ages 13 -15 . Now both 16 .
In December he assaulted her in school , was on cctv and observed by a teacher who intervened . Reason she was asked out by another boy but they were not together .

I was notified by phone on day of assault

I asked for meeting in school , to be informed of any sanctions / boy not in school and for police to be notified

I got no response until I emailed again in Jan . Safeguarding lead said she was new and not familiar with incident .
No return call
No police
No safe guarding plan

We notified social services and police in 2021 when her behaviour became concerning ( self harming , overdose , running away , aggression to us )
We showed photos of bruising on her and bites .
Had early intervention on healthy relationships.

Things been very calm since he broke up with her in 2023

I have contacted woman's aid with all details ( more than I can post here) and she is accepted on referral to teen group .

What should I be asking tomorrow in meeting besides

Why poor communication
Why no safe guarding plan for his return ( she is now being bullied by others known to him )
Why No police involvement ( if only to continue paper trail on his behaviour past and present )

I called for the meeting but feeling anxious

I'm sorry I don't have any advice on what to ask. However, do ensure you take someone impartial, ask if you can record the conversation (if not, ensure whoever goes with takes full minutes).

How long does she have left in school? Would it be worth changing schools at all? It sounds like this has been handled very poorly and I wouldn't have much faith in the school.

I also don't have many answers and agree with first poster, take someone with you. I also believe it was up to you to call the police. If the boy was suspended I'm not sure what other punishments can be put in place. Agree a plan needs to be made for him to return to school. The school can't tell you what's happening to the lad only about your daughter. Hope she's ok

I'm sorry you are feeling anxious.

It sounds like you have been through a difficult time.

Often in these situations school are reluctant to involve the police because it takes up vast amounts of time and paperwork and doesn't tend to open up support or early help.

Obviously there has been poor communication which is not good.

Usually if someone is violent on school premises and there is evidence there will be a consequence. Often this is a suspension. Students cannot usually be permanently excluded (expelled) without repeated incidents (this is government guidance). School may or may not be prepared to tell you what happened to him (but I expect your DD knows as the gossip usually goes around the year group pretty fast).

If your DD is being repeatedly bullied by others she needs to make teachers/adults aware after each incident.

How long does she still have at the school?

Thankyou for replies

She has until June 17 then her exams are finished and she's out .

She's currently in isolation because a girl he's now involved with has shared personal information about my DD and then provoked a fight which unfortunately my DD reacted to because she felt humiliated . Not excusing the fight and my Dd role in it , absolutely agree with my Dd being sanctioned in this .
Yesterday my Dd returned to school and said she felt unsafe but wouldn't say more . She's having anxiety attacks , these are usually after something has happened . She doesn't want to stay at home .
She knows we have a meeting today today but not details .

It was your responsibility to contact the police and the school can’t give out information about another student. They should have had a plan in place for her safety but I’m surprised you didn’t follow this up. You need to focus now on what your daughter needs now going forward.

School policy is to call police unless unusual circumstances

I have been asking for a safety plan since it happened , this was discussed with my DD in March ! It's taken this long . I have been requesting it and been ignored

Boy returned in March as my DD told me . I understand confidentiality and have not asked anything about him except to be notified when his sanction ended which I found out was 12 weeks suspension

Up until this incident in dec the school have been excellent in supporting her , and us , and communication has been good .

Honestly, given that she's probably just focusing on revision for her GCSEs I'd pull her out of school and get her to do it at home and just go in for her exams. I'd also tell the school that the reason you're doing is that the school can't guarantee her safety.

Still not too late to call the police.
Outrageous it’s taking this long. Did you mean he has been biting her?

I don’t understand why you didn’t call the Police??

Police not called by us because our relationship is good after a really rocky two years while she was in a relationship with said boy , she is still loyal and being supported by woman's aid
School teacher agreed it would destabilise our relationship with her and it was her wishes and we respected this

Your poor DD, I am so sorry she is having such a hard time.

Does the school have youth workers attached? As a former youth worker, I know how helpful they can be in forming relationships outside that of teacher and pupil.

PP suggested keeping her home until the exams start; I think that's a really good idea.

Update for those who replied . Thankyou

School admitted they had failed to safeguard
Boy cannot be permanently excluded due to own safeguarding needs ( we guessed this )
It was reported to police but not through formal channel as it was reported to police / school liaison who the boy is already seeing . This should have been reported to us , again apology for poor communication.
She is coming out of seclusion due to her being bullied and reacting inappropriately but provoked
Lesson learnt and shared within school
Safeguarding now being put in place
And invite to prom not being redacted, she can go

Basically they accepted all criticism

We are very relieved

It's great they admitted their failings but what does this ultimately mean for your DD and her safety?

I agree with PP who suggested studying at home until her exams.

Sometimes things just don't 'blow over' with teens.

@ChooChoosey
She doesn't want to not go to school , she's got 100% attendance despite these last few difficult years
The boy will go into isolation when he attends ( not often ) and the safeguarding plan will cover all options for her to go when she needs support , that could be a person or a place .

No this has been long going and sustained , I gave up thinking it would blow over long ago .

But it's him that needs monitoring not her and that's what will be happening