Coping with covert narcissist and contact

[Italianplaygroup]

I'm very worried about the mental health of my 14 yr old son. He visits his dad on weekends but hes told me that he mentally abuses him.

I don't know how to approach him as he black mails him and threatens him too.

As a result of his relationship he has started vaping.

I know i need to seek help 4 him to cope but what do I do?

I feel its harsh to cut off contact completely. I can't discuss this with his dad as he just makes it all about him and ignores the fact that the underlying problem is him!

He blames me. Typical narc behaviour.

It's sad but I've reached a point where I need to act.

Thanks 4 reading. I'm so confused 😕

[Frogpole]

Hi Italianplaygroup!🙂

If you've any concerns at all over your young lad's mental health, the very first thing to do - as a matter of urgency - is to put him in front of his gp. There's an enormous amount of support and resources they can provide for kids who need external support and additional help and neither party is able to communicate amicably with the other.. Being caught between separated parents who are both (but usually just one) trying to "score points" against each other, when neither party can behave like a grown up and refuses to take responsibility for anything and acts like they're holier than a fishing net while making out the other party is responsible for the extinction of dinosaurs and everything bad ever since then? That's about the most effective way to turn a perfectly healthy teen into an entirely dysfunctional adults who's self destructive behaviours to cope with the trauma lead to their demise before the age of 50.

It's also worth noting that there are always two sides to every story, and that they're never presented evenly or truly - after all, one person's "I let my ex see his son every weekend!!" is anouther person's "she dumps the kid on me every weekend so she can go out having a great time!".

Also the boy didn't start vaping because whatever thing you said. peer pressure, advertising, pop culture, media, societeal attitudes, being made to feel rejected, pushed out, unimportant did that.

[Italianplaygroup]

Hello frog I've done this a year ago nd he was referred to cahms )i had toake th referral) who rejected him. ? Gp didnt help at all tbh. I've also asked him to refer himself to a teen support charity (i cannot force him) that offers counselling but he won't do it.