How to encourage a ‘thicker skin?’

[DippyDoo98]

My oldest is an absolutely fantastic person- hard working, intelligent, polite, mature, lots of interests.
She struggled with self esteem when she developed severe acne but this is now under control and she’s gorgeous.
however she is super sensitive- if someone looks at her the wrong way she takes it personally and to heart. Today at school some younger boys commented on her appearance and she’s now really upset about it. We talked about whether their opinions matter and how misogynistic society is. But it’s really upset her. This happens often and I’m running out of ideas for how to deal with it.

any top tips?

Ahh! I am what you’d class as sensitive. I call it dramatic 😂

but I cannot tell you how many people have said how bad this is and how I need to change. I’m 44 now and I love that I’m sensitive. Because it makes me empathetic, kind hearted and I’ll do anything for anyone and I actually massively respect myself because of it

so I personally wouldn’t push the thicker skin. Teach her to love herself no matter who she is. You’ll just make her incredibly self conscious if you start trying to change who she is. She’s your daughter. She’s part of you! You’ve raised her like this ♥️

yes you are right and I think it hurts as I remember being the same! I can remember scenarios back from my teenage years even now!
perhaps that’s why it hurts so much as I can see myself reflected back. But you are right and maturity and accepting yourself does come in the end.
She has just been out for a lesson for one of her hobbies and her head is now held high again! She’s got resilience ❤️

I am the same as your daughter, always have been. I'm 44 now but still get hurt so easily! I remember everyone around me was so concerned, saw it as a flaw, etc... my mom was constantly in school talking to the teachers about me. Honestly, it's just a personality trait. It is hard to be too sensitive but it has so many amazing sides to it! I don't see it as something negative. I am very resilient, moved abroad, left family and friends, built a new life, learnt a new language, I survived all that in spite of my "defect", as my parents called it.

She will live an amazing life and she will live amazing experiences in a way not everyone can.

I like @Kissmystarfish's approach. Self-acceptance, especially for the parts of you that can't be changed, is crucial to well-being. But... I do think resilience is a skill. I used to be very thin-skinned and wish I'd toughened up earlier. DS was very thin-skinned too and I taught him tricks to toughen up which have helped him a lot.

I remember first reading the phrases: 'what other people think of you is none of your business' and 'no one can make you feel bad without your permission' and being mind-blown by them. They were just not true! I was shocked anyone could genuinely think that way. But I kept thinking about them and imagining what if they were true. Then they gradually became true and life is so much gentler when you take this approach. It still stings if someone is bitchy but I never feel their opinion of me is more accurate than my own opinion or that of loved ones. We can choose whose opinion to value and respect. Then the rest just washes over us. Much nicer that way.

Becoming socially resilient and self confident doesn't mean losing her sensitivity, it means not letting it work against her. She can channel it into caring for herself, others, the planet. And not channel it into what feckless little boys say to try and undermine a young woman's confidence.