14 year old heartbroken by older boy

[Hotchocmoc]

Hi
Just looking for some advice pls. My just turned 14 year old daughter was dating a 16 year old for 2 months. They kissed lots and he told her he loved her and a bunch of other lovely things that her being younger believed. She has just told me that he asked to do other stuff which she said no to but admitted to me that had they stayed together a bit longer she would have. 1 week ago she received a message from another girl saying he had been with her one day when he had said he was with his parents. She confronted him and he admitted it.became defensive no apology. She finished with him and has blocked him on all social media. 2 days later he began dating a girl he had dated just before my daughter who she knows is involved with him sexually as my daughter spks to her although they arent friends that hang about but have mutial friends. My daughter has had alot of anger right now and seems fed up with everything. I know it has only been 1 week but i feel like nothing i do helps.

She was out with friends yesterday and happened to be at bus stop when ex bf and new gf were nearby. He said loudly to the new gf "am i staying at urs 2nite". Later the new gf then messaged my daughter saying that bf had asked her to message my daughter as he had drove past our house earlier on a dirtbike and wanted to know if it had been loud enough for my daughter to hear. She messaged back just saying yeh.
Is it just me or is the ex bf doing this to stay in my daughters head? Thoughts and advice welcome.

It sounds like your dd has had a very lucky escape from this teenager. It’s hard for her to see just now but hopefully soon she’ll realise it was for the best.

All I can say is be there, listen to her and support her. Also praise how strong she was for standing by what she believed in and ending the relationship when something wasn’t right. A lot of teenagers and women would stay with someone in the hope that things changed, she was brave enough to end it on her terms!

It sounds like the guy is wanting her to feel jealous, why would a new gf text her that? Seems pathetic of the boy but also I feel really sorry for the new gf as he’s clearly using her .
I’d gently explain this to your dd. Explain that he wants her to feel upset about the break up. He wants her to feel jealous, sad and to be desperate to get back with him. It’s annoying him that he didn’t break up with her and is trying his hardest to get into her head. If they ever did get back together it would only be for him to be the one to end it. It wouldn’t be because he really cares for her. If he genuinely cared then he wouldn’t have lied and he wouldn’t have a new gf now.

Remind her to stay strong, ignore any messages and to brush off any comments they make around her. The best thing for her to do is to be happy and smile, I know it will feel hard for her but it will drive him insane
knowing she’s happier without him.

It sounds like your daughter has learnt the hard way that teenage boys are not always sincere and will often say all the right things to get sex. You should be proud of your daughter for not being a doormat. The teenage boy is of course trying to make her jealous because his very fragile ego can't handle that she was the one who ended it with him....even the least charismatic and attractive men have skin thicker than a Rhino and will be shocked that a woman might dump them. I once had an older boyfriend who wanted me to have sex with him. When I said no repeatedly he said "What's wrong with you, are you frigid or something", I pointed it to him that calling me names was not very endearing and would never make me want to have sex with him and I dumped him there and then. He went around telling everyone he had dumped me because I was frigid...what a bell end.

So she was 13 when she started seeing him. So young OP. She’s learnt a hard lesson at a very young age. Keep her busy, she’ll get over it and hopefully steer her away from lads for a while.