Revision

[Alittlefrustrated]

My 13yo won't revise. Says he knows enough to pass. I'm literally asking the bare minimum, but he just won't. He says his marks are no different if he revises or not. He hasn't failed anything yet, with his, just turn up attitude, but there is a very slow decline in results. He doesn't care, as long as he passes. DP is all for making him, removing Internet etc - but I don't think you can force someone to study. I feel I should let him fail and learn from that - though it hasn't happened yet. He's an intelligent child, probably ND, with 'special interests' - if he would only apply the effort he does into aquiring knowledge about them, to his school work, he'd be top of every bloody class. It's very frustrating.He thinks the whole school system needs an overhaul and is a waste of his precious time. I don't want to cause anxiety - but I do want him to care. Advice would be very much appreciated.

He's 13

He's probably ND so will be oppositional if he doesn't see the point

What is he 'passing' or 'failing' at this age?

Has anyone actually helped him explore what works effectively for him? But if he doesn't feel school is worth it, you're not going to be able to force him.

Does he actually know how to revise? DD was the exact same at that age and to be honest things only got worse as she got older. She was bright enough to achieve good grades with little to no revision right through to GCSE level, once she got to A levels though the cracks really began to show and she struggled. It’s better to nip it in the bud now than in a few years down the line when he starts to have real problems in more ‘serious’ exams. She’s 19 now and has openly admitted that part of the problem was that nobody ever actually showed her the ways to revise, she was just so used to being able to coast along on her natural ability

He doesn't have the excuse of not knowing how to revise - school cover this frequently, and so did I, with his first lot of secondary tests. Now he won't listen. He did engage, for first lot, and he did exceptionally well. They do tests 3 times a year. He does, as a rule, leave everything to the very last minute,including homework. His art teacher would be astounded if she saw art he has produced at home, when self motivated. We have a very accurate and beautiful portrait of our late dog, for instance, which he drew after losing him, DS age 9. People think I did it, because they know I can draw. He hands any old rubbish in for his art homework - rushed off in 2 minutes. I could throttle him 🤣. He is definately ND (I was involved in assessments in my previous career). There is nil chance of him engaging in assessment. He has some struggles with writing, which was dismissed by primary school teachers - despite the blindingly obvious discrepancy between his verbal responses in class and his written work. Excellent spelling /reading - it's the actual physical act of writing. Declines help with this. His history teacher in secondary acknowledged this and offered him a laptop, which he declined! DP has several male great nephews who are neurodiverse, and very clever,and DP almost certainly is too. I was very academic at school - but my main focus is DS having his mental health intact at the end of school, not being anxious about exams, (which he clearly isn't), whilst passing enough exams to do what he wants to do. Should I just leave him to it? Let him suffer consequences and work it all out himself? Not surprisingly maths, science, IT and geography are his, best marks. He thinks fiction and languages are not worthy of brain space. I might get DNA tests - I did have to leave the room to wee in the post natal ward 🤣

Schools are notorious for just saying revise rather than working with students to find out what works for them. I say that as someone who's been a secondary teacher, a TA with great but ND students who needed support, and a private tutor. They simply do not have the time to coax preferences and ideas out of students while showing them a variety of techniques

And, unfortunately, as his parent, he's likely to be oppositional to you showing things that he simply doesn't believe he needs

Can you afford a private tutor who would understand the situation and gently work to engage and steer? It can be very tricky to do that

Thankyou for the responses - he'd be furious if I arranged a tutor! He wouldn't engage. I think I'm going to have to just let him start to fail, and hope that gives him a jolt. I'll see what happens in these April tests. I'm very conscious of not creating anxiety around exams.

Oh I've had students who didn't really engage, just a bit at a time to more.

But he's 13, you're making an issue out of something that isn't