Is it normal at this stage of parenting

[Jazzhands7]

When your kids are tweens/teens just not to want to be a parent anymore?

I’m just so tired, I haven’t done what I’ve wanted to do like move or change careers because it would be too stressful on the kids. Every little decision I’ve made has to take into account their wants and needs and I get it, I signed up for it but I would like a bit of something for myself now. If the adults in the family do choose simple things like where we eat or what we are doing for the day the kids are just constantly pouting and grumpy. I don’t want to care about how they are feeling with even simple things like this but I do deeply and find myself just doing all I can to make them happy.

I can’t be happy unless they are happy but I am also miserable because I’m not choosing anything I want in my life.

I love them very much but I would like a bit of a life of my own after 15 years. I’m just wondering if this is normal or I’m being an asshole?

At 15 they are well on their way to being young adults - yes, you’re still a parent but to some extent your world doesn’t need to revolve around them anymore. If you choose a restaurant they don’t want to go to then that’s fine, they can stay at home and make their own dinner whilst you go on your own. No need for pouting and grumpiness - that is toddler behaviour and by bowing down to it you’re encouraging it. There is nothing stopping you from a career change, that decision is not down to your kids in the slightest nor can I see how it would upset them

Mine are teens/tweens and TBH I feel like I've not had so much freedom since they were born. We've ditched the babysitter for a start - marvellous!

Not moving house for their sake I can understand, but surely there's some stuff you can arrange for yourself without upsetting them? You could give them a choice - "come with me to X nice place, or do your own thing?"

I didn't move house when I divorced because they didn't want to, but I changed jobs when youngest was 9.

Oldest is about to go off to uni and whilst I'm a bit sad about this, a lot of me is "ready".

We have nice family times but we also go off and do our own things. And they do things together without me too. After years as a single parent, it's lovely to be able to leave the house!

The best thing about slightly older children is that you don't have to think about them quite so much in terms of my daily life. I love that if I want to eat a certain food or at a certain restaurant, and they don't, they can stay home or eat something else (well, DS - DD is still too young but I can't wait).

As for days out, there's give and take here. Sometimes we're doing things because it's what they want. Sometimes we'r doing things becuase it's what I want. And sometimes we're doing things in different places so everyone is happy. Last weekend we went to see old friends who were in town - everyone had to come, and be cheerful about it. But this weekend I'm taking DD out for the day to an event she will love and DS will probably be on his playstation at home all day or out with his friends locally. I wouldn't dream of forcing him to do it with us.

Just start doing the things you want to do and leave them at home if they don't want to come along?

My DS is 13 and I'm enjoying him way more now than I did as a toddler, mostly because we are no longer joined at the hip.

I'm not sure constantly trying to please them and make them happy is a healthy way to look at it. You need to all start being individual people, each of whom is largely responsible for their own happiness (them with a bit of support from you for now).

I absolutely feel you on this. And having independent kids is great but i miss the social parenting of younger children....park days and groups of friends with our kids playing for hours...all that is so almost gone

Just the hard bit...parenting at home setting boundaries etc

It’s more because a career change means I would not be at home to take them to their after school sports and what not and without a driver they can’t get there.

Friends also have to be driven to as there is no public transport

So basically me making just they’re socialised means I have to drive them around all the time and haven’t been able to form social connections for myself. I had to quit my study because it was too hard picking them up from school and getting to class in time.

I do remember at that stage feeling like I was mum's taxi all the time.

On the plus side they weren't on the streets. On the minus side I didn't have a lot of spare time.

I lived really rurally though and they really couldn't go anywhere without being driven.

I hear you OP. DD doesn't seem to understand the meaning of compromise. She sucks the joy out of everything and no doubt feels the same way about me - because I don't roll over and say yes to everything.

I'm counting the years till she leaves home tbh.