My dd15 almost 16 has been a handful since the moment she began puberty. If she isn’t giving me attitude and being rude to her siblings she is lying and causing trouble somewhere.
She seems to be against me and only me. She has told friends I abuse her, she has told their parents I don’t feed her so they give her food, she has told relatives that horrible to her and never let her leave her bedroom, she told her school she was scared of me so I was called in for a meeting where I was essentially accused and needed social services visits before they were sure she was lying. All complete lies with no basis for these accusations but it makes me feel awful and under the spotlight as I’m judged anyway. I feel like I’m on edge around her because whatever I do or say may be twisted.
She can’t hold onto friendships as she causes trouble, whether it’s being rude to them, kissing their boyfriend or anything friends shouldn’t do, she then sulks around the house as she has no social life and no one invites her out.
She turns on the water works regularly and says she doesn’t know why she does it, then 5 minutes later telling me how it’s my fault and I deserve the lies. I’ve tried to get her to open up, questioned if it’s depression/anxiety etc and she says no, I don’t believe she shows the signs of either although I keep encouraging her to speak to a doctor she refuses. I wouldn’t call it typical teen behaviour either as sometimes it’s extreme. I’ve wondered if it’s SEN, again no obvious symptoms.
She currently has a boyfriend from school who I fear she is entirely obsessed with. She texts him 24/7 and if I take her phone, tell her to have a beak, or we need to go out she will be as horrible as she can to make everyone else stressed and unhappy. Sometimes it s easier letting her stay in her room on her phone for the peace, but it’s no life for anyone.
I now wonder if she is up to her old tricks again as I see texts pop up on her phone about how the boyfriends family are there for her if she needs to escape. Basically assuming I’m neglecting her based on whatever rubbish she has told them.
I loathe to see any of this as bad parenting as her siblings have never been like this and I feel like as someone who wasn’t a wanted child and actually was abused, that I’ve done a good job with my children and raised them all the same. It just seems to be dd in particular that runs rings around me and has no respect for anyone, including herself.
Ive just have enough now. She makes everyone miserable and when she goes out with her boyfriend the house feels calmer. I worry about what future she will have as she doesn’t have any awareness about safety, she has a one track mind and does whatever she likes. I feel sad it has turned this way and our relationship is sour, she may not want anything to do with me as an adult, we have no bond and I resent what she has done to our family over the years. I try not to show it but I feel that me being nice and open has made her worse, I wonder if I should be stricter and harsher as she knows she can take the pee.
I try to make an effort, I take her shopping or for lunch and she doesn’t appreciate it. I’m always told what I’ve done wrong and that so and so’s mum wouldn’t do that etc. I deep down can’t wait for her to grow up and move out. It shouldn’t be like that.
Has anyone else been through this and can advise please? Will it get better?
I have nothing to compare to as I’ve never had a mother daughter relationship before and I feel such a failure.