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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Just discovered 15 DS trying to download porn on his school laptop.

31 replies

Wiseoldminerva · 01/04/2024 12:31

OMFG.

How do I handle this? I want to smash the router. He has given me a load of backchat and said “well didn’t you all watch pornhub when you were a teen?” Fucks sake there wasn’t even an internet!

What do I do? The router settings are v high but I think he put his SIM in the laptop and somehow that has bypassed it. Help. I’m out of my depth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wiseoldminerva · 09/06/2024 15:20

Gettingannoyednow · 09/06/2024 13:58

School will take the laptop off him.

Is he not embarrassed at the thought of his Head of Year knowing what he wanks off to? Is he not embarrassed by his mother knowing????

It’s his own laptop. His school is a BYOD school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wiseoldminerva · 09/06/2024 15:21

Gettingannoyednow · 09/06/2024 13:58

School will take the laptop off him.

Is he not embarrassed at the thought of his Head of Year knowing what he wanks off to? Is he not embarrassed by his mother knowing????

Apparently not.

OP posts:
Johnhasalongmoustache · 09/06/2024 15:22

Wiseoldminerva · 09/06/2024 15:21

Apparently not.

Show quote history

We heads. Of year are not naive.

But his attitude to you sounds most dismissive.

Johnhasalongmoustache · 09/06/2024 15:22

2fallsfromSSA · 09/06/2024 14:11

He is addicted and you need to treat it like an addiction. As well as removing all internet enabled devices I'd take him to the GP and ask for him to be treated for porn addiction.

Addicted??! Bit of a leap.

teenage boys are dirty dogs

EBearhug · 09/06/2024 15:57

I don't think this is unusual behaviour for a 15yo, but that doesn't mean there should be no consequences, and I think giving him an old brick for now is reasonable.

I think it's good you explain all the problems round the production and distribution of porn and how it's warping expectations of a normal sex life.

I also think you need to be really clear about potential issues around using a school device. I don't know what the school's policy is about BYOD devices, but in my previous job, they said you had to let them scan any device connected to their network. It still bemuses me that trained IT professionals are stupid enough to look at porn at work on work devices - I've had to look through log files of websites visited by an employee as part of gathering evidence for HR investigations. It's gross misconduct and they get sacked with evidence like that.

Porn sites can be a source of malware of various sorts, especially if he's downloading it. It should be avoided for that reason, too.

itsnotyouagain · 09/06/2024 17:15

Wiseoldminerva · 09/06/2024 13:55

Exactly! I love him to pieces. I’m simply astounded at the hair pulling stupidity of his actions. He has no regard whatsoever to the consequences. He doesn’t join it up. He was helping me in the garden last night and we had a nice time. Then he started swinging the end of the hosepipe, with a lawn-feed attachment on it, which could have flown off. And this was right next to the green house. I told him to stop but he carried on and lo! It indeed flew off and landed on a plant and broke it.

Then lit up the BBQ without taking down the washing. The conversation went “can I light the BBQ?” And I said “yes, but please take down the washing and put it in the basket.” I even added “because otherwise it will smell of smoke.”
Did he remove the washing? No. No he didn’t. And argued that the smoke was going the other way. It wasn’t, and anyway, take down the washing!!!!!!!!!

Aargh!

That, despite flashes of brilliance, is the definition of dim!

He is a kind and affectionate and cuddly, lovely boy, but 15 is hard.

Real world consequences needed here.

Replace the plant - pays with his own money and gives up his time to get you one (even if you need to drive him there). Plants it when he gets home.

Re washes all clothes again and then hangs out again. Replaces with own money anything that is damaged.

Hell no doubt be the type of person that needs this level of real consequences before the penny drops and he starts risk assessing.

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