Buying a new place - a room or not?

[Knackerednow2019]

Hello I have finally decided to move to London to be closer to work after my son moved to his dad’s in another city. My son is pulling away and I now understand that’s ok. But he’s been a bit conflicted about what he wants to do (dropped out of uni, is planning on travelling with girlfriend, said he never wants to be back in the city where I’m selling up, that I need to make plans regardless of what he’s doing).

so i said ok, I will move closer to my job and am selling. And now he’s a bit quiet about it and says maybe he wanted to hang out in my house for the summer to be close to his girlfriend. Thing is when she is around I don’t see him (they spend all their time out or in his room and she barely acknowledges me - not her fault she’s shy and they are both only 18).

Im stuck where to buy and asking advice here because it’s a parenting question and not a property one. I can afford easily a lovely one bed flat in London that has a large lounge for a sofa bed for my son for when and if he needs to leave his dads (his dad is an asshole, but on love bombing stage with his son.) or I can afford a 2 bed but it’s much more of a stretch and my son might either not come or might come with his girlfriend (and I do not enjoy listening to them having sex).

I have tried to talk to my son who is non commital and anyway has mental health problems which means he can get depressed and isolated. With having single patented him and previously been very close that’s why I’m asking this question. Also it’s always been important to me to have a home for him to feel safe in.

But just for my own sense of what a mother should be, should I spend another 75k on a room that he may not need or want?? I feel like a terrible mother not making space for him and yes I know he’s 18 and technically an adult, and that we won’t have the closeness we had before (and probably shouldn’t because it’s healthy he’s distancing) but what would you do?

I could stretch to a 2 bed but it would be harder in the longer term (my mortgage would last into my 70s and I’m in my 50s and thinking about my health longer term and the need to keep a job). Both flats are in good locations. What would you do?

He's 18 and has MH issues and isn't sure what he wants to do, and lives with his dad who is an asshole. Yes you should provide a bedroom for him.

Definitely get a 2 bed with a separate lounge. You could have lodgers and him stay in the lounge but if (when) he moves back full time then you have a room for him.

Could you put it off for a year? He's only 18, it seems wrong not to provide him with a bedroom at this age but may be different in a year or two.

I think you need to have a bedroom for him. He isn't really settled yet is he.

I think it waste of time to buy a 2 bed house he won’t stay in, you’re not banning him from staying just not having a dedicated room.

I'd stay where you are for now and see how next 12months go, any move is expensive so if you're not 100% sure don't do it. More properties will come up again.

I personally wouldn't want to take out a mortgage into my 70s, if they would even let me.

Maybe wait until after the summer to make a decision? That way he can still hang out in your house over the summer if he wants to.
My son is in his early 20s and lives away but sometimes needs somewhere to sleep when he visits. But the amount of days he does this probably amounts to less than two weeks out of the whole year. It would be cheaper to get an air bnb for the time that he is here rather than upgrade my house. But he is more settled than your son. I think it depends on how much time you think your son is likely to spend there.

I'd have a spare room. Anything can happen. He could lose a job Have a mh crisis split with a partner

Plus a spare room is great for other things. Hobbies. Guests a lodger.

I went back and forth over your post. My first thought was no and to buy a decent sofa bed, then I saw about the mental health problems. However I then saw you would have to have a mortgage into your 70s. That really isn't realistic. If it isn't urgent I would also wait a year to see how things settle. I'm not convinced it will last that long with his dad.

Yes she'd have to extent the mortgage term now but don't most people downsize/clear their mortgage at some point before retirement? A 2 bedroom flat in London will keep its value and in 10/20 years OP would be able to sell and probably buy outright if downsizing or down pricing.

I would always have a spare room if possible, for the near future and so that he can come and stay when he is an adult. And for friends.

At 18 and vulnerable I would definitely keep a room for him and tell him that you will because he is always welcome.

I'd go for two rooms - as others have said you could probably rent it out if your son doesn't stay and it's a good investment.

However, I would put the move off for a short while. I think your son said the things about not coming back to your current city and you moving on without dreaming that you'd actually do it! He might need a little more time to get used to it.

I agree you should buy a two bed if it’s possible and you can afford it. There’s nothing stopping you downsizing in the future, near or otherwise. The gf won’t probably won’t last so don’t use that as a reason to buy a one bed.
Definitely move though, ds wanting to use you as a doss pad isn’t a good enough reason to stay.

It doesn't sound like your son is very settled, so yes to trying to have a second bedroom in London or, like others are suggesting, stay put for a bit longer to see how things pan out.