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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

New to all this dating stuff. Boundaries for 15 yr olds.

4 replies

IDidntDoThis · 23/03/2024 17:27

My youngest DS (15) has started dating a girl of the same age. This is all new to me, as my older children have SN and have never dated, not even shown any interest in a romance of any sort.

DS seems smitten, they're spending every day with each other, going to each other's houses after school and at the weekend. She seems lovely, very polite. It's only a new thing, three weeks, but I'd like to put some boundaries in and not sure what is acceptable.

When they are here, they spend time in DS room, and I believe they do the same at her house. She lives in a townhouse and apparently her bedroom is opposite the living room, but they are allowed to shut the door. I've joked on about keeping the door open here, but not sure if I'm being too harsh. So far the door has been shut. When asked what they've been doing, in a non prying way, they say watching films/anime.

Theyre sitting their GCSEs soon (they go to same school) as well, and I don't want DS spending time with her until 8/9pm every night when he should be revising and doing coursework. She doesn't live local, and we are either picking him up or dropping her off, as her parents don't seem to care how she is getting back or at what time. She's also having dinner here, and I am giving her my portion as I shop on a budget. DS has had a couple of meals there.

DH and I dated from the same age, and I know what we got up to when in his room, but thinking that my child might be doing that is jarring.

OP posts:
CabinetofMonstrosities · 23/03/2024 17:30

Door open
loads of open conversation about expectations and consent
hard line about no sexting, no photos that they wouldn’t be fine with Gran seeing
Make her feel welcome
talk about safe sex

IDidntDoThis · 24/03/2024 17:21

We've had the consent and underage conversation plenty of times.

I'll mention the door open thing before she comes over next.

OP posts:
Travelban · 25/03/2024 11:24

My dd2 (14) has been in a relationship for nearly a year now.
Theirs was more gradual. Started with seeing each other once a week for the first 6 months, moved up to twice a week. I wouldn't want them seeing each other out of school much more as they need to cultivate sports, friendships, family time, downtime and like you say, homework.

Doors shut/open.. we had the open door policy for the first few months... then dd2 started closing it. We had a lot of discussions around consent, what is age appropriate and trust. After discussion with the other parent, based on both our own evaluation of the young people in question, we decided to allow it.

I know many will disagree but our rationale was that they are quite young for their age and naive and we could trust them. We know there is a risk. Having said that, they are always at my house and they get interrupted a lot. Drinks, snacks, long family dinners and outdoor activities/boardgames.

I am not saying we got it right and I do worry about it, but I just thought I would share what we have done. They are very very sweet together and have an amazing bond/friendship which is so heartwarming to see. Like you, my older 3 didn't have relationships until much later, so this is new and quite difficult to navigate. Good luck!

Cbljgdpk · 25/03/2024 11:32

My DD is about to turn 16 and we let the door be closed; different in year 10 when they’d only just turned 15 and at 14 it’d be door open but let’s be realistic that at 15/16 things will start happening and you have to make your peace with it or force them into situations where they’re doing it in less than ideal places; have the talk obviously though and do all that side of things.
I wouldn’t be allowing every day though with GCSEs approaching, 2-3 times a week is more than enough and I’d talk to your DS about her going home before dinner time as it’s not ok that you’re going without and that’s a fair time for her to make her own way home

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