DS16 - help

[Teenagewoe]

DS16, nearly 17 is at college. He has adhd and has had periods of being challenging but we thought we had turned a corner.

Today he has been assaulted by someone BUT it sounds like DS has been bullying / goading this person for some time and they’ve snapped.

DS is now saying some terrifying things. Saying (to me) that he is going to seriously hurt / kill this person. Saying he is going to go to their house and hold them hostage. I know (hope) it’s probably all bravado but it feels terrifying to me and I don’t know what I should be doing. Do I inform the police?

Amongst other things he has said to me “you don’t know me and the shit I have had to do to keep myself safe. So don’t say I won’t do this or that. I have done this or that before so don’t say I won’t”. There has never been any hint that he is involved in any kind of gang / violent / drug dealing activity before. We live on a normal naice housing estate, he has a good life and plenty of privilege tbh.

i have other younger children in the house and I feel like if my son really is involved in serious things I can’t have him under my roof. How do I handle this from here, how do I find out what he is involved in?

please be gentle, I am really on the brink mentally.

Does he have to go to college tomorrow, would a bit of space help? I’m not sure what to say to you.. handhold.. hopefully he will calm and things will settle..

Keep him at home tomorrow. Probably quite a lot of bravado going on.

Yes I will keep him home tomorrow and then he will be off for the rest of the week. He does know where this boy lives though and I’m worried he would go there. He is so hot headed and impulsive.

Would a local youth offending team help?

The story doesn’t add up, it sounds like you think your son was the bully and the victim lashed out, but your son is trying to tell you that he has felt under attack. If I was you I would let your son know that you are on his side and spend as long as it takes talking everything through with him to get to the truth. Hopefully just feeling like you are listening patiently and asking the right questions will take the edge off his anger. I would also say that don’t assume the school is giving you the correct information so start the conversation with your son with no pre conceived ideas.