Sorry if this is long winded… just need to get it all out!
How do you deal with your daughter being unpopular?
She was popular at primary and had lots of play dates, sleepovers and involved in dancing, swimming, gymnastics.
She went to a different secondary to her friends due to a house move and formed a small group of friends. She did struggle after Covid as I think she lost her self confidence and had some body confidence issues (this has now rectified itself and she has a great sense of style). She is a wonderful girl with lots of interests and is great company. She is involved in afterschool activities but nothing social unfortunately and her school don’t offer ANY non sporting clubs etc.
She is quiet and reserved with new people (not at home or with close family) and hates all the banter at secondary. She works hard and behaves well. I suspect she has a reputation for being swotty. She is definitely not a b and doesn’t get involved in dramas or gossiping.
She is struggling with a group of boys hassling her by shouting at her in the corridors and basically teasing for their amusement. They are clever enough to stop short of physically or verbally abusing her but it’s enough to make her feel on edge. When it peaked a few months ago school were good at sorting it but raising it ugly head again. I’ve just contacted school so hopefully they will be on it tomorrow. She says she knows she isn’t liked and doesn’t understand why. I tell her that they don’t know her and if they took the time and trouble to speak to her they would think she’s wonderful like we do.
To top it all her small friendship group is changing-some new girls have joined and initially she was thrilled to have a bigger group around her but now she is being pushed out by one of the new girls and her old friends are showing no support. DD isnt in classes with the girls in the group so it’s understandable that they are becoming closer but she is still upset. Thankfully she has some other friends to hang out with at school but she is obviously upset that she is being squeezed out and not included in their social events. She asked to join their group chat and they did so but they have another one that she isn’t included in. I don’t want her to feel she needs to beg to be included as she is worth far more than that.
thankfully she is a strong, resilient young woman and has a lovely family around her and we keep her spirits up by having days out etc but I worry, especially with exams coming up.
I just want this phase over so she can hopefully meet some likeminded, studious types to do her a levels.
before someone asks if she is neurodiverse - we have considered it because she struggles socially and we have spoken to her about it. She feels it isn’t autism and when She saw a psychologist for some sessions aftercovid lockdown, the psychologist suggested that the issues were all linked to self esteem.
anyone been through similar and can offer some hope?