DD lying about showering

[MotherOfOlafs]

Since DD turned 14 at the end of last year we’ve had issues with her hygiene. She will run a bath or switch on the shower but not actually get in, she’ll wet her hair instead. She then swears until she’s blue in the face that she has. I can tell she hasn’t (her towel will still be folded neatly or her sponge will be bone dry etc).
I’ve spoken to her and explained as a teenager she will sweat more and needs to keep clean and she agrees but then won’t do it. How else can I go about this? She’s neurotypical and had no issues with showering or bathing until recently. She also has short hair so it’s not a case of it’s too much bother to wash it.

Being labelled the smelly kid isn't a title that wanes quickly...
She needs to be told firmly that.

Not sure why that got a 'hahah' from you. It's a disgraceful way to treat a child.

it's a phase.
it will pass.
it's an uncomfortable phase with their bodies changing in puperty.
3 teens here and they all tried it....

but it's not negotiable, if they left the bathroom not smelling freshly washed they were sent back promptly.

after this phase comes the 'spray everything with bodyspray' phase and you almost prefer b.o.

Sorry but you’re wrong.
And reading this thread shows how common it is which I hadn’t realised.
Not everything is past trauma/MH issues/ND etc.

Thanks all for your replies!

Yes we have a lock on the door, she’s an only child so me and DH know when she says she’s showering or bathing we don’t even go up to the top floor where the main bathroom is. Her room is less than a foot from the bathroom and she has her own huge towels to wrap up in after. She doesn’t really have a problem with being naked as far as I’m aware, I know she lies on her bed for ages in just her pants as she’s told me as much.

How grim. I wouldn't be having her in my house

I think I would be honest and tell her how cruel some kids can be with name calling and it sticking and following you all the way through the rest of her school years even if she no longer smells.

So imagine the scenario, a classmate decides to announce loudly that your DD stinks, might even give her a nickname, when I was in school it was stig of the dump. That child then gets told off by a teacher but child claims she is just telling the truth, your DD does smell. Teacher will be able to smell your child too.

I would tell her that I am protecting her from that, that I am her parent and some things are non-negotiable including personal hygiene, teeth brushing and clean clothes. Bar soap is best for stinky pits, plus Dettol laundry or the like for school uniform washing.

@MotherOfOlafs

Sorry but you’re wrong.

Whatever. I was trying to offer advice into looking for the reason. You have no idea why your child is suddenly acting like this and dismissing any suggestion as to why rather defeats the point of your thread.

I wish you and your DD well but please, don't dismiss there being a deep root cause.

FWIW I hope I am wrong.

Is the house warm? Sometimes I dread getting out of the shower to a cold house.

Does she have a nice dressing gown and slippers to get into?

I think if it’s not a practical issue such as heating, and you don’t believe it to be psychological, then I’d be giving tough love.

Friends teenage son wouldn't brush his teeth, he'd suck up some toothpaste because she'd smelt his breath.

You say she doesn't smell because of the perfume. I suggest you lie saying you can still smell the underlying BO, which means her classmates can

This. Most teenagers go through a phase of being dirty sods, but would be embarrassed if they thought their mates could smell them.

I was like this around at 9/10 years.

I even used to wet my neck, arms etc so mum would be fooled. often convinced her. tbh I went to so much effort I might as well have showered

also teeth brushing. I remember lying in bed with a mouth full of chocolate and telling mum I have brushed my teeth when she asked from the next room

now at nearly 40, I am ocd about hygiene so it does get better lol

Give over. Not everything is ND you know. Or mental health or something else you want to virtue signal with 🥱

@rainydaysandwednesdays

Give over. Not everything is ND you know. Or mental health or something else you want to virtue signal with

I was o to agreeing with the possibility, it wasn't me who initially suggested it. It is very common for children who have been subjected to sexual abuse to withdraw in such a way as well but you know, the advice to look for a root cause is 'wrong'.

I'm not about labelling everything but I absolutely would be digging down to find out why this was happening.

My almost 13yo is a mingy grotbag too. It's laziness/her age. I just have to tell her she bloody stinks and send her to the shower but it's a constant battle. I think it's partly just that she needs to get used to the fact that she gets smellier a lot more quickly now than she did pre-puberty.

Hi op, i have had similar issues with my 15 year old dd, she has asd so i have to be blunt as she wouldn't take hints.

I tell her she needs to bathe every day (doesn't like showers) and actually wash herself. She still tries to get away with not brushing her teeth or hair occasionally, and after a reminder she loses her screen time for the day (or week depending on how grotty she has been!)

I've also told her she will get bullied if she is the smelly kid and frankly i wont let her get away with awful personal hygiene.

Hand hold op, teenagers are hard work.

Considering there’s no SEN I would be having a very upfront conversation with her about just how disgusting this really is.

Is she brushing her teeth?

Surely if she’s ND then it’s sensory issues causing this and not laziness. Would a bath be more acceptable?

Thank you!

Yes she has braces fitted around 6 months ago and we hammered home how important it was to brush.

Her first tactless boyfriend will sort this out.

It's not nice, but the world is harsh and guys are dicks. One negative comment by someone she fancies will kick her into gear. Nothing you can do is likely to have any impact.

I hated showering as a teenager. Honestly it was part laziness and partly because the house was cold- so I hated getting out of the shower and being freezing

My mum is some kind of parenting ninja and just nonchalantly said to me 'you know, if you're the kid that smells nobody will tell you, but they will tell other people' and boom never skipped ahead shower again!

My sd was like this. It got to the point we would stand outside the bathroom so we could hear her actually washing. And she stank! She made my husband heave once with a mix of body odour and bad breath. I remember driving home one January with the car window open the smell was so overpowering.
If she was at home before I got home from work I could smell she'd arrived in the hallway. Her mum just said it was teenagers but it was laziness that although was hard, we did make her shower with us and we would stand outside and listen!! It took a level of stubbornness from us but she did do it at our house.
She was known as the smelly kid at school too and I felt really sorry for her as it affected friendships.. no idea why her mum never dealt with it

I’ve just remembered I went through a similar period too when I was about 12. I think it was laziness, no real consequences and being really uncomfortably cold coming out of the shower. It definitely ended before I discovered makeup and got my first boyfriend. Unfortunately I think the shame aspect of telling her about friends smelling her/her breath/hair etc. might be the only thing that will work. I wouldn't have really cared if my parents said I smelled because I felt they nagged me about everything anyway