If you had a lazy & unmotivated child who went to Uni...

[lechatnoir]

...how did they get on? Did they manage to get themself to lectures, not live in squalor and motivate themselves to join clubs and meet people?
Or did you stop worrying about it so much as long as they passed it's up to them how they get there?
Ds18 wants to go to uni which would be great except it's a big stretch financially & I l'm loathe to go without ourselves whilst he continues to lie around doing bugger all!

He literally does just lie in bed/in front of the tv doing nothing outside school hours & socialising. He has chores which involve a major row every week, getting him up for school is a battle & he's just got a 'can't be arsed if it doesn't benefit me ' attitude. It's trying and not fun to live with but gritting my teeth through school years and hoping with age & responsibility he'll grow up a bit.

I've warned him this summer he'll be responsible for finding a job, getting himself there & back and saving for uni. We haven't worked out what he'll need to contribute yet but keen for it to be enough so he will need to be working reasonable number of hours if he also wants money for holidays and going out.

Ours did his first year, failed it, started to repeat the year, had to live in halls because he was too late paying his deposit to live with friends, ended up failing the first term exams, was told by the uni that they wouldn't let him resit again so he'd had to do very very well in everything for the rest of the year to pass overall. He said he would, but failed the next term too, and dicked about telling us for so long he also had to pay his rent for summer term.

It was a very expensive and pointless exercise and he's now back working in the fast food restaurant he was at during sixth form, but at a lower wage as his previous position wasn't available anymore.

We did tell him this would happen. He'd never enjoyed academic work, we always had to nag him, he was NEVER going to do it on his own.

DS isn't there yet, as is still in secondary but we have the same worries, and are pushing a degree apprenticeship to him for those reasons.

But I was just like your DS. I went to uni, messed up the first degree due to lack of attendance and dropped out before the Feb cut off in the first year, started my second degree that September, and managed two years of that before dropping out due to lack of attendance/work and am still paying the loans back now in my 40's, and so will never be able to afford to do a degree. I also resat a'levels and didn't do any better second time round.

I did get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult though, so it's definitely linked to that. There was no way I found that could make me go to lectures and placements without parents there to make me. I have done well in work, but only in roles where my workload is such that it is immediately obvious if I am not completing it.

I'm sorry that this happened to your son @ManchesterLu. I don't know if you were ever on the WIWIKAU Facebook page, but it is littered with similar threads.

I think that university shouldn't be the default option, but too many schools push the idea that you are a failure if you don't go to university.

Basically, unless you are motivated to do the work university isn't for you. University isn't school and there is no hand holding.

Has he been in any of the Offer Holder Days yet @lechatnoir?

DS found those very useful.

Thinking of you OP and wondering how the summer has turned out so far