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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 year old son and personal hygiene

20 replies

onemoresmartie · 26/02/2024 21:25

I am really struggling at the moment with my son. We only have facility for baths in our house and every night I run his bath for him and he gets in. I don't hear him moving let alone wash in there. His hair hardly seems wet so I am not convinced he is washing it as it always looks greasy.

I ask him has he washed/washed his hair and I just get a grunt. He never seems to look or smell clean and I have tried to say to him please just put deodorant one do your face wash etc.....just wondering if anyone else's son is like this as it seems to have gone on now for a while and it's driving me mad

He also thinks it's fine to wear the same clothes sometimes 2/3 days in a row...after going to the gym or lounging about all weekend in the same top.

OP posts:
DawnBreaks · 26/02/2024 21:29

As the mother of 2 sons (now adult) this sounds perfectly normal! I think things changed around 15 when girls started to feature heavily in their lives. 😁

Sinuhe · 26/02/2024 21:30

Shamelessly place marking for inspirations.

My DS is similar, he'll shower if / when I actually shout at him that he stinks.
But that's just not right... so anything that isn't shouting would be great.

LightSwerve · 26/02/2024 21:31

Not unusual, but needs you to keep it up to establish the habit. Try to make it light-hearted, no pointed wasting energy getting aresy. He'll grow out of it.

shellyleppard · 26/02/2024 21:34

Both my sons had a phase where no matter how many times they washed their hair it was always greasy......it eventually passed.

OhcantthInkofaname · 26/02/2024 21:34

You are running a bath for a 13-year-old?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 26/02/2024 21:42

My nearly 13 year old is the same with deodorant. 🤢

Just tell him to have a shower; we have better luck with that than a bath.

Beamur · 26/02/2024 21:43

Most teens seem to go through a soap dodging phase.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 26/02/2024 21:44

If he’d prefer a shower could you get one of those attachments to go on the taps?

our ds both preferred showers to baths by that age.

stayathomer · 26/02/2024 21:47

Head and shoulders for clean hair works wonders! (The guy with dry hair uses blue herbal essence) We are (thank god) moving out of this phase, and into more washing, thanks to

  1. They heard on the radio one morning a lady saying about how she was sitting next to a group of boys on the bus and the smell was awful. I brought it up again at the dinner table ‘imagine if those kids knew that!’
  2. Started asking them to hand me their clothes nightly (and bought one or two more shirts)
  3. a few talks on how school mates and girls won’t tell you they don’t like the smell, but they’ll tell each other
  4. kept letting them know that all teens go through it but a lot will keep on top of it
  5. randomly would spray deodorant on them as they were leaving (yes extreme but had to be done)
  6. got them roll ons too and told them to pick the shower gel. (14yo loves purple Palmolive, older loves lynx Africa)
  7. clean sheets-whenever they’d just been washed I’d tell them they should go for a shower as they’d feel amazing. They generally agreed (later!)
Possibly none of this will help- they are 14 and 16 and we’ve had a few years of it but now in the morning I finally don’t have to beg!! Hope it gets sorted soon op, I know the grunting thing only too well!
Baguetted · 26/02/2024 21:55

I think possibly it helps when they have their own stuff rather than general family washing things…

my three all have their personal preferences for smells /scrubbers/face cloths/floofers/bathrobes

having pjs to jump into afterwards

socialdilemmawhattodo · 26/02/2024 22:08

Mine was always OK about showering, but a light bulb moment for me was when he was trying to take my posh hand-wash (gift) rather than the bog standard. He asked a reasonable question: why I can't I have the good stuff? So for his Xmas pressie I saved vouchers and bought all sorts of bits from several fancy brands, including tasters/samples. He loved trying out different smells. It's worked out OK so far.

Trepidfox · 28/02/2024 08:10

Came here to post almost the same with my 13 year old. Has to be badgered for shower each night but she will go. My issue at the moment is teeth brushing 🤢 I'm at home until she leaves for school so I'm pottering and I know from the sounds when she hasn't brushed them. I asked her to go back in this morning. We've had chats about wanting to have fresh breath for yourself and also other people and obviously the hygiene and knock on effects but it actually makes me sad/angry that it's not automatic anymore? The deodorant avoidance is also maddening, she is whiffy when she gets in (hence the shower every night) I hate that it's making her annoyed first thing in the morning but I'm not going to let up, hoping it will just become a normal habit again!

ohskedaddle · 28/02/2024 08:12

I would tell him that unless he's grown up enough to wash himself and his hair effectively, we will go back to being bathed by me. His choice.

Ihateslugs · 28/02/2024 08:40

When my son was that age, he would, after a lot of nagging, go to have a shower. But I eventually realised that he was just switching the water on and then sitting on the edge of the bath for five minutes or so, not getting in! I twigged when his towels did not seem wet and neither was the bar of soap! After that I had to stand outside the bathroom door to listen for the sound of water swishing around and checking him when he came out.

He never really grew out of this reluctance to shower, even as an adult he is a bit reluctant to have regular showers.

resipsa · 28/02/2024 19:22

I have just had this conversation with DH. How can 13 year old DD not smell herself? The breath and BO are bad enough but she's also not heeding my advice about washing EVERY day and having fresh pants EVERY DAY during her period. It's actually really unpleasant and her friends must notice. Reading this thread with interest!

JazbayGrapes · 29/02/2024 11:34

Wifi off until washed properly and dirty clothes are put in laundry.

I would tell him that unless he's grown up enough to wash himself and his hair effectively, we will go back to being bathed by me. His choice.

This too

Needmorelego · 29/02/2024 11:48

Do you put bubble bath in the water? At least he would be getting some soap on him that way.
(@OhcantthInkofaname what's so awful about running a 13 year old a bath?)

Needmorelego · 29/02/2024 12:00

Maybe follow him around and spray him with body spray. But the "girly" fragrances. Nice bit of lavender or rose.
He will either be "urrgh" and wash it off and/or cover the smell with Lynx.
Or he will smell like a bouquet of flowers - which is nicer than eau de teen boy 😂

NoTouch · 29/02/2024 21:44

We have been fortunate that ds has liked showering in the morning before school since he was about 8ish, he just liked that it woke him up and refreshed him. He also had someone who was a bit whiffy in his friendship group (poor lad started puberty very early) which is didn't like and I think he was worried others would smell him.

My SIL had problems with my niece when she was younger washing herself and her hair. It was all related to a lot of stuff she was going through and low self esteem even though she appeared fine on the surface.

Keep working on him, be firm but don't do it by embarrassing/humiliating him. Suggestions to follow him around with a spray or threatening to bathe him are cruel. Young boys especially can hold a lot of what is going on in their minds inside, risking reducing his self esteem further wont help either of you.

Needmorelego · 29/02/2024 21:48

@NoTouch I was being bit tongue in cheek about following him around with body spray 🙂

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