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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

12 yr old boy attitude/behaviour - is this normal?

16 replies

Oleo24 · 26/02/2024 10:04

Hi all

I’m hoping this is normal 12 year old behaviour for a boy. Since DS started at secondary school in September, he’s changed a lot.

Is this just puberty/normal teen behaviour?

  • Lost interest in extra curricular activities.
  • only interested in football and gaming
  • doesn’t seem to care about school or if he gets a bad mark
  • rushes homework and doesn’t revise properly for tests
  • Says our dinner table conversations are boring and can’t wait to leave the table
  • Argues about everything
  • easily distracted and finds everything boring
  • has had some behaviour points at school for talking in class

He’s very happy at school and has lots of friends.

Would love to hear from people going through similar or parents who have come out the other side.

thanks!

OP posts:
EverlastingStar · 26/02/2024 10:16

All teenagers go through weird annoying phases I'm afraid so he's no different

K0OLA1D · 26/02/2024 10:22

I could have written this. Mine will be 13 in November and since he started year 7 he's a completely different boy.

Dogskidsdogs · 26/02/2024 10:25

Yep sounds pretty standard

Lund · 26/02/2024 10:26

Sounds exactly like my DS - now 13 and in year 8 . Except for extra currciculars - he still enjoys the swimming, running, scouts he does out of school. But everything else, yes! No advice, sorry, just solidarity 🙂

Original poster
Oleo24 · 26/02/2024 10:39

Thanks for your replies, helps to know others are experiencing similar.

I was expecting difficult teen behaviour around age 14, not 11/12!

I’m particularly worried about the attitude to school work. Does this improve as they mature?

OP posts:
waterrat · 26/02/2024 12:41

oh my goodness OP this could be us!!! I was going to start a similar thread.

This is what I think - I think secondary school just forces them to grow up in quite a harsh way - it removes play, adds stress - and I think the tiredness and stress of getting through that each day creates a bad mood kid.

In terms of school work _ we have EXACTLY the same - I do remember having zero interest in school work myself at that age - I think give him a bit of time where you back off about it - year 7 is just such a huge shift, let him cope with the social change and perhaps accept he may need a bit of time before he has the brain space to focus on work as well.

waterrat · 26/02/2024 12:42

I mean - let's be honest - the school system is dull and sedentary and for most boys probably really boring and tough just getting through the multiple lessons in the day - is it any suprise many of them don't want to sit and give homework much thought? Surely football/gaming are naturally what they woudl prefer to do.

Original poster
Oleo24 · 26/02/2024 20:33

Good point @waterrat, thanks. Let’s hope things improve!

OP posts:
cansu · 26/02/2024 20:40

Whilst it is common for parents to see some of the changes you describe, I would not be too relaxed about it. I teach this age group. Yes there are undoubtedly kids who get behaviour points, don't bother with homework etc. But there are plenty of teen boys of this age who do care and who work hard whilst having plenty of friends and enjoying usual teenage stuff. Personally I would not be letting the homework and poor behaviour go. You get more of what you tolerate to some extent.

Stressfordays · 26/02/2024 20:46

My 11 year old started year 7 in September and although we're not getting any behaviour points or anything at school, he has definitely had an attitude transplant. I'm assuming it's normal, he's going through puberty and desperate to fit in. I'm quite strict though, I won't tolerate nonsense and check him every single time he gets out of hand. He's my eldest so first time going through this but talking to his friends parents, I'm not alone.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 26/02/2024 20:47

Yep, mine are now 19 and 17. There is light at the end of the tunnel; they are pleasant company again 😁

Noddingdaffodils · 26/02/2024 23:41

Normal ime as a mother and secondary teacher. Keep on his case about academic achievement; don’t take him too seriously at home. He’ll grow out of it.

Original poster
Oleo24 · 27/02/2024 12:56

cansu · 26/02/2024 20:40

Whilst it is common for parents to see some of the changes you describe, I would not be too relaxed about it. I teach this age group. Yes there are undoubtedly kids who get behaviour points, don't bother with homework etc. But there are plenty of teen boys of this age who do care and who work hard whilst having plenty of friends and enjoying usual teenage stuff. Personally I would not be letting the homework and poor behaviour go. You get more of what you tolerate to some extent.

Thanks @cansu. This was my worry, that whilst the behaviour is normal, not all
boys are like this. We’ve got parents evening coming up and will definitely be clamping down on the school work. We felt that we needed to give him time to settle into year 7, but now it’s time to be stricter. There’s always the worry at the back of my mind that they will rebel if parents are too controlling but at least we won’t regret not trying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oleo24 · 27/02/2024 12:58

Thanks @Noddingdaffodils yes we will be focusing on effort and why it’s important to work hard.

OP posts:
Thiswayorthatway · 27/02/2024 13:09

Y7 is tough and they get attitude. Be patient/understanding with him but don’t let academic work or behaviour points slide too much. My DS settled down more in Y8.

JazbayGrapes · 29/02/2024 11:39

Yes, its very normal. He's developing his own set of interests. As for school performance - link it to his pocket money. Bad marks - no money.

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