Grumpy, negative & antisocial teen - normal or not?

[littlebabycheeses99]

Hello

I have a 14 (nearly 15) year old DS who seems to have become progressively more grumpy and negative. I know a lot of this is 'normal' teenage behaviour so I'm not sure whether to worry or not!

He is v. bright and is looking at Oxbridge after his A Levels. However, he doesn't really have any friends any more as he had a few issues with some kids being mean at school and he struggles with lads 'banter'. He is very much a geek, doesn't like sports and feels that he doesn't fit in at school. He spends the majority of time in his room reading.

I know home is his safe haven and he is probably taking all these frustrations out on us, however I worry that his constant negativity and inability to take a joke will mean that he'll again struggle with friendships at college / university.

He does do activities outside of school (reluctantly) and is part of a drama and kickboxing group.

He has a lovely teacher at school who has taken him under her wing and I know he's been chatting to her much more than he has to me (we have been conversing via email for some time after I outlined my worries to her).

Unfortunately we don't have any family close to us.

Is there anything else I can do? Did anybody have similar with a child who then turned a corner?

Anyone?

Hi
just to say you aren’t alone.
my dd is now 16 and we went through an awful period where she was disengaged from family life and had no friends at school. She is also very academic and mature and hated all the ‘banter’ at school. She became difficult to share jokes with as she’d almost lost her sense of humour. Life was hard. She had given up all her hobbies during the coronavirus period.

with the help of a wonderful psychologist (she only needed about 8 sessions but the results were seen quickly) and lots of patience and time she has emerged from her chrysalis. Her sense of humour has returned and she has hobbies and interests again. She has people to hang out with at school and is looking forwards to meeting lots more like minded people at college.
we also tried hard to tune into what things interested her and tried to ‘plug the gaps’ of lacking friendships. We gave her things to look forwards to like theatre trips, concerts, meals out, cinema trips.
i think secondary school is a painful experience for lots of our young people and we tried to convince our daughter to just knuckle down to rhe hard work and look forwards to the future.
hope that helps a little

Thank you @DaisyDoo9 that's really encouraging. How did you go about finding a psychologist? it's something I've thought of.

I did a google search for teen psychologist in my area and she had good reviews as well. Luckily my daughter really wanted to feel better and was willing to engage.
I hope things get easier for you.
another thing I did was to start my own journal to allow me to vent and spill my own anxieties about the situation. I found she would often get worse the more I talked to her. 🙈🙄The best thing was to wait for her to talk, nod and be sympathetic but not offer too much advice. Then when she had finished I needed to leave it until she broached the subject again.

@DaisyDoo9 Would you mind sharing the psychologist via DM, as she sounds fab and may work with clients over zoom. I have a similar teen

Message sent

My dd was like that at that age, there was a shift from 13 onwards. Did have friends at school but it was hard to know at times whether they were genuine friends as she did very little socially outside of school.
I do wonder whether she found the whole banter thing exhausting.

Like PPs dc, gave up hobbies with lockdown, never really taken anything up again.
However now at uni and is doing more socially, and has a great group of likeminded friends.

You've described my ds to a T.

He was gloomy, introverted, always putting himself down despite being on track for a clutch of 8s & 9s. He's tall and skinny, Like yours, a little geeky.

But over the last six months he's come out of himself. Things have improved. The school arranged for a group of them to go to the gym, and it seemed a turning point. He's suddenly more sociable.

Hopefully yours will come through as well.

Thank you that's helpful, what age was he when things improved? I don't think I'll ever get my DS to a gym but I'm hoping things will turn a corner when he goes to college - however that's not for another 18 months or so! It's going to be a loooong 18 months!

OP, he was 15 & 3 months. He changed gradually, but it's stuck and he's much happier now. I think it's just hormones.