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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

If you didn’t do play dates …

16 replies

crapatmakeup · 21/02/2024 17:00

For various reasons we didn’t really manage to host play dates when the children were at the age for them.

Now we are able for them to have friends over and I feel really that we’ve maybe missed the boat. I’m not sure my kids know what to do when their friends are over.

Can anyone tell me what 13 year old girls typically get up to when at each others houses?

I feel really sad about this and that my children will never feel comfortable having friends over now.

OP posts:
Jeannne92 · 21/02/2024 17:05

Listening to music, watching films or series or YouTube/TikTok videos, dancing, making cakes or cookies or homemade pizzas, painting nails, doing hair and make-up...

Merrymouse · 21/02/2024 17:09

Do they have hobbies or interests?

Honestly it can be tough being an early teenager because if your interests are more niche sometimes you also need to find your tribe, and it’s easier to do that at college or later, when you can meet a bigger group of people.

Original poster
crapatmakeup · 21/02/2024 17:29

Jeannne92 · 21/02/2024 17:05

Listening to music, watching films or series or YouTube/TikTok videos, dancing, making cakes or cookies or homemade pizzas, painting nails, doing hair and make-up...

Thanks I wasn’t sure if 13 was past some of that kind of stuff. 13 seems so much older these days.

OP posts:
Original poster
crapatmakeup · 21/02/2024 17:31

Merrymouse · 21/02/2024 17:09

Do they have hobbies or interests?

Honestly it can be tough being an early teenager because if your interests are more niche sometimes you also need to find your tribe, and it’s easier to do that at college or later, when you can meet a bigger group of people.

Yes football, they both play in school band etc so I will just hope they focus on that sort of thing.

At the moment evenings are so busy with the above it’s a struggle to even fit in any friends over. Which is just making the situation worse.

OP posts:
Merrymouse · 21/02/2024 19:37

crapatmakeup · 21/02/2024 17:31

Yes football, they both play in school band etc so I will just hope they focus on that sort of thing.

At the moment evenings are so busy with the above it’s a struggle to even fit in any friends over. Which is just making the situation worse.

Show quote history

If they are dining lots of other activities I wouldn’t worry too much.

There isn’t a right or wrong way to be 13

Original poster
crapatmakeup · 21/02/2024 20:08

Thanks, I am hoping you’re right. I’m feeling quite worked up tonight as am worried that the fact they couldn’t have friends over when they were younger means I’ve spoiled their chances for firm friendships as teens.

But yes, probably more cause for concern if the sports etc stopped.

OP posts:
MaloneMeadow · 21/02/2024 20:31

Typically they entertain themselves - my responsibility was basically just to provide food and drinks, other than that I left them to it and made myself scare!

At 13 DD and her friends would make TikToks, watch movies, play card games (Cards Against Humanity was always a big favourite), do each others hair and makeup and generally just chat about girly things.

MaloneMeadow · 21/02/2024 20:35

crapatmakeup · 21/02/2024 20:08

Thanks, I am hoping you’re right. I’m feeling quite worked up tonight as am worried that the fact they couldn’t have friends over when they were younger means I’ve spoiled their chances for firm friendships as teens.

But yes, probably more cause for concern if the sports etc stopped.

Honestly you’re really overthinking things, that’s not the case whatsoever and you’re placing far too much importance on this. Friendships occur naturally, not because of play dates.

I very rarely hosted play dates when DD was young, in fact due to our living situation she never even hosted a sleepover until she was 13 and we’d moved into a bigger house. That didn’t stop us quickly becoming the ‘fun’ house among her friendship group!

SpiritedSneeze · 21/02/2024 20:51

My daughter used to hang out with friends somewhere rather than come straight home, so they would wander round the shops or to the park or they would all walk each other home from school in a big group, usually very slowly dawdling about, chatting outside each others houses before moving on to the next.
When she did bring friends up and home they would usually just hang about. There is less focus on activities and more chatting and playing around online.

Original poster
crapatmakeup · 21/02/2024 21:24

MaloneMeadow · 21/02/2024 20:35

Honestly you’re really overthinking things, that’s not the case whatsoever and you’re placing far too much importance on this. Friendships occur naturally, not because of play dates.

I very rarely hosted play dates when DD was young, in fact due to our living situation she never even hosted a sleepover until she was 13 and we’d moved into a bigger house. That didn’t stop us quickly becoming the ‘fun’ house among her friendship group!

Show quote history

This comment in particular is so helpful, thank you. I would love to be the fun house!!

OP posts:
Original poster
crapatmakeup · 21/02/2024 21:26

SpiritedSneeze · 21/02/2024 20:51

My daughter used to hang out with friends somewhere rather than come straight home, so they would wander round the shops or to the park or they would all walk each other home from school in a big group, usually very slowly dawdling about, chatting outside each others houses before moving on to the next.
When she did bring friends up and home they would usually just hang about. There is less focus on activities and more chatting and playing around online.

That sounds great! Makes me miss the days of being that age just sitting in a friends room reading a crap magazine eating snacks Grin

OP posts:
Mindlesspuzzles · 21/02/2024 21:32

Watch TV- eg a series. Play games if into gaming.
Youngest is now 19, but its a difficult age. One of mine did very little socially from about 13 till maybe 17.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 21/02/2024 21:33

DS rather than DD here, but I'd recommend making sure you have snacks and drinks in a-plenty, and maybe giving the odd nudge that it's ok to invite friends over. DS started hanging out at friends but wasn't reciprocating initially because it just didn't occur to him.

waterrat · 21/02/2024 21:37

Op this is not about you and early play dates

I was work from home for years so hosted many many playdates - and sadly it is still awkward for kids now they are older!! i miss the days when kids burst into the house and got 'toys ' out! Or played games / jumped about the bedroom etc

My 12 year old would not do anything I think apart from gaming with a friend indoors now - he would definitely do football/ trampolining if it was warm and would be happy for hours with mates in the park - but - the 'playing' has gone and that does make it hard.

It actually puts me off having kids over as its just hard work -

even my 9 year old isn't so keen now as it seems to have got awkward trying to work out what is 'cool' etc. its sad!

waterrat · 21/02/2024 21:38

I would focus it around a film /snacks/ - if it's girls - drawing? making videos? try to help them plan it maybe.

Original poster
crapatmakeup · 21/02/2024 21:41

Yes I’ll definitely give them some ideas that they can go to if they want to.

I agree it’s an awkward age and the void between kids of the same numerical age can be huge at this stage too which doesn’t help. My kids are quite young for their age I think.

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