How much time do your older teens spend with you as a family?

[Carwashandthemoog]

We have a DS18 and DD15.

Always been a close family but since DS passed his test and got a car we hardly see anything of him.

Obviously it’s great that he has a group of friends to go out with and I’d rather that than him stuck at home but I suppose I’m feeling that slight empty nest sensation and quite sad the young years are over.

I have always said that even if we no longer spend too much time as a family then I’d like it if we can all have dinner together each night but recently he’s been too preoccupied with his mates (they all have a hobby which they do together and also share a love of cars) and he’s not been coming home for dinner and buying stuff out which is another concern of mine as he’s eating crap (I know because he discards the packaging in his dump of a car!).

It also saddens me that he had such a good relationship with my parents, in particular my dad. DS was the son he never had but now they are in their 80’s and mum has Alzheimer’s ds hardly ever sees them.

I also have no idea what he’s up to most evenings. He has always been a kind and law abiding kid so hopefully it’s just that he’s having fun with his mates but he can be quite secretive about his personal life and doesn’t willingly offer up much about it, I honestly couldn’t tell you if he’s had any romantic relationships or even if he is gay or straight as he gives nothing away (DD is so different, she tells me all about her crushes and sends me endless Tik Toks about who she thinks is ‘fit’ etc!).

Anyhow, hopefully it’s just normal/standard teen stuff but it’s does make me feel a little sad that we are kind of losing him slightly but I suppose that is what comes from seeing your kids grow up, leave the nest and entering adulthood.

No one said parenting is easy did they?

He's getting older and now a young adult. He is just finding his feet now. He sounds fairly normal ,gets to an age where he wants his independence I think .just run with it for now

DS is in y11 and 16yo, does that make him an older teen? I’m not sure. But he spends masses of time with us. We live in a London suburb with excellent transport links, so he’s not forced to spend time with us, he could go anywhere. But since the start of the year, we’ve done a theatre trip, cinema twice, countless meals or milkshakes out, a long walk, trips to the gym and local parks for volunteering, a community event etc. That is less than normal as he’s had GCSE mocks.

Every time we do something, I wonder if it will be the last time that he wants to spend time with me. A bit like when he was little and I’d wonder if this was the last time he’d fall asleep with me cuddling him, hold my hand on the pavement etc 😊

Is your 18yo still at school/college OP? Or at uni? Or working?

I think if he is working full time it is entirely natural for him to be away from his family and with his mates.

If still being supported by you, then I think I would expect some family contact - hopefully evening meal (and I would be very cross if I was cooking it and he wasn't turning up for it and not giving you notice that he wouldn't be there).

Mine are 19 and 22 now and at uni, but during the holidays they eat with us most nights, and often stay and have a chat/watch TV etc. They do tend to be operating under a different timetable though - dinner is often their 'lunch'!

One of each sex here. At that age it was holidays and paid for meals out only! DS is 10 years past teens now, plays golf with his dad nearly every weekend, rings me often to ask advice but I'm still only a holiday or paid for meal ticket in terms of socialising.

DD is the opposite, she is to her dad what DS is to me, but meets me regularly for shopping, dog walks, coffees, gossip, sports. I'm the first person she calls with news, good, bad or ugly.

I have two sons 18 and 15 .....so I think its part of normal growing up/apart??? My eldest has a very smal social circle and I'm usually telling him to go out and enjoy himself!! When I was that age I was hardly ever home but he's the opposite lol.

Mine stopped eating dinner with us each evening somewhere about 15.

Usually because they'd go from school to macdonalds with friends and then onto cadets or swimming or whatever and I'd pick up at the end of the activity.

By the time they were 17 I had a weekly meal tick sheet where each member of the family had to tick which evenings they would be in for dinner because I was fed up of making food no-one was there for.

We still spent a reasonable amount of time together - we were in a band together and weekends and so on.

Mine will still have dinner with us a few times a week and there's an expectation that they have to see grandparents and family occasionally. This usually works out to once every school holiday, so every 6 weeks or so.
We watch the occasional tv together and often have late night talks.

Oh that’s made me feel a little bit better.

I honestly don’t ask for much but a 20-30 min catch up at dinner time would suffice.

Deep down I am really longing for those younger years when we all spent lots of time together.
I suppose I’m part of the ‘sandwich’ generation where I am losing my mum but at the same time letting go of my dc and seeing them spread their wings out into the world, it’s bloody tough going even though I know it’s a totally natural part of living.

By the time they were 17 I had a weekly meal tick sheet where each member of the family had to tick which evenings they would be in for dinner because I was fed up of making food no-one was there for

I like this idea Octavia64 I will try that.

Just talk to them, and tell them what you want. With one of my children it was a meet up every month, once they had left home. With another, it was decided week by week, as they lived in two homes. I have a year calendar, which everyone puts their long range plans in, and I have a weekly diary black board, which I fill in every week with the one who is still here part time. Most weeks it will naturally happen that we end up both eating a dinner at home, and we then plan to eat together. If it hasn't happened for a few weeks, I make an appointment