13yo son weight gain

[newyorkbreakfast]

DS in Y8 is gradually gaining weight since starting secondary and is now overweight. Eats well at family meals but is not eating at school at all or just buys a sugary snack. I think he's secretly eating in his room after school - bags of sweets. He refuses to take a packed lunch or buy food at school other than a snack. Lunch break us very short and I think there's a culture of a lot of kids not eating.
I am not sure whether to say something or try to just keep encouraging healthy foods at all meals?
He hasn't got much, if any, disposable cash so it's not possible for him to buy much. But I think friends share sweets on the way home and rubbish food is pretty cheap.
Any advice to prevent further gain or might he grow out of it?

Leave him be. I’m certain he’s not ‘overweight’ from sharing a few sweets each day - especially if you can’t prove it there’s no point in making a big deal out if things. He’s going through puberty and it’s normal for them to gain a bit.

Can you give him something small and portable for lunch? Carrying a lunchbox was social suicide for DD at that age (teenagers🤷‍♀️) but she’d take a wrap or something along those lines that she could just shove in her bag and eat quickly

@MaloneMeadow thanks for replying. He refuses to take any food into school so is fasting through the school day and starving by 3.15, and eating rubbish....

@Time2Run thank you, he does exercise but not every day; I'd say not enough especially in winter. I found a drawer full of empty sweet wrappers in his room. He was with me at the time - I think he'd forgotten about them- and claimed they were from a sleepover. But I agree with you about those red flags ... I won't mention weight as I don't want him to get a complex. He's very obsessive and potentially an addictive personality so I need to tread carefully. I'll reiterate the health / teeth message though I probably do this mist days! Falls on deaf ears as the sugar is too tempting.

Get him in to rugby if he is a larger lad. Hell be surrounded by good role models and there's a job for every body type instead of losing interest in whatever sport he is in to as he gets older.

It's unlikely that he's putting on weight from just sharing a few sweets he's either buying them or stealing them for it to have a noticeable change to his body.

Quite often teens lay on extra pounds before they have their large growth spurts a bit like babys do.

Are you home when he gets in from high school? Could you give him something when he gets home? DS at this age liked whole milk blended with a banana and some berries. I'd make him something filling too like an omelette or pancakes.

I agree with @CadyEastman a high protein snack when he gets home from school would be a good idea. And make sure there’s no biscuits/cake/choclate in the house.
My 15 year old likes a couple of Aldi protein pancakes when he gets in, or a boiled egg with a slice of toast.

Also what about an email to his form tutor and pastoral team about him not eating lunch?

I'd also recommend reading this guide from the Caroline Walker Trust and giving him a daily calcium and Vitamin D supplement.

Can he cook OP?

I see all the secondary children (well just the boys actually) walking home from school eating boxes of chicken! We wouldn't have had the money when I was that age.

It sounds like he needs more exercise. Do any of his friends go to the gym, or run?

Mine don't eat at lunch at secondary school either
I make sure they have a decent breakfast, and have fruit and snacks on hand for when they get home, they know they can help themselves
Youngest had a period of weight gain in year 8, but is now year 10 and has slimmed back down

Don't buy anything unhealthy into the house at all.

Maybe one day on the weekend have a treat day where you can all have something unhealthy but then through the week make healthy meals with no junk accessible.

Make it as a 'we're going to be a more healthy household' as opposed to directly for him.

On today’s episode of ‘not everything is the school’s fault or responsibility’….

Yes it’s not great but it’s very common for kids not to eat in school. Not enough time and often too busy messing round/chatting with their mates to even realise that they haven’t eaten

I didn’t say anything about it being the schoo’s “fault” I meant that OP could chat about her concerns to the school.

I think this is normal, both of my average size boys got quite chubby at this age, i was concerned. But only a year or so later they had shot up and broaden out and caught up with themselves.

in the mean time i didnt buy rubbish for the house and provided decent meals and unlimited healthy snacks. I never said anything to either of them- as a teenager my family always went on about my weight, “bad, naughty foods” etc and i always swore i’d never be the same, kids are painfully aware of their body shape enough already.

My son put on weight at around that age, was also still in lock down and lots of sport things/school had stopped. He started to grow in height not long after and is now in proportion at nearly 16.

Thanks everyone, it's reassuring to hear positive stories. He used to play rugby and football but didn't get picked for the team (autistic spectrum which I think affects his ability to understand the game strategy and he's not a team player). so he gave up. He swims and runs, and bikes in summer. I think it's more the diet issue.When he's 14 he can lift weights at the gym.
I make him a good breakfast but am unfortunately not yet home when he gets in. He can cook but will choose pancakes with maple syrup over a cheese sandwich! And can't be bothered to peel fruit or chop veg, though he used to when he was little. I will see about making him a sandwich and refrigerating it for him to have at 3.30pm.

I could clear the house of chocolate etc but you know how it is when Halloween, Xmas, Easter, relatives' gifts top up the endless supply. And my husband buys stuff... even though I've said not to!