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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Need some help

4 replies

Linda42 · 18/02/2024 02:13

I will try my best to shorten the back story. I really need some advice.
my son who is 15 has a gf she is 16 and in the same year as him in school.
I cane home to find she had drawn love hearts and her initials on the outside of a top floor window on the window sill tiles which are over 100 years old. This is visible and cannot be removed.
the other day I found she had carved a love heart on the top of my sons bedroom chest of draws with both of their initials.
I am unhappy with the relationship due to her behaviours, she comes to my house inappropriately dressed which can be adding to all the reasons why I am not keen on her. I asked my son to talk with her as it is rude and extremely disrespectful to do what she has done. My son at this point completely lost it and called me a slag and started throwing things around the house, I remained seated while he called me every name under the sun, I asked him to go up stairs as I no longer wanted to continue to listen to his abusive behaviour, as he walked out of the house at 10pm at night she turned around and attempted to spit on me.
I have never in my life seen such despicable behaviour. I’m so ashamed of him and at this very point feel like there is no way of this turning around. I work full time, give him everything which includes money, time and a good life. I feel like I have completely failed as a mother.
I told him he needed to go to my sisters house which is a few streets away and if he did not do this I would be calling the police. He did to there but not before calling me to threaten me and state if I call the police it would be the last time I would see him, clearly implying he would end his life. This has all come from me asking him to speak with his gf about destroying our house.
please help me, I really don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
lljkk · 18/02/2024 08:35

Are you British, OP?

I kind of admire you, if this is the most despicable behaviour you ever encountered.

Linda42 · 18/02/2024 10:11

No it isn’t I came from a dv marriage, left my home and husband to start fresh and gave birth alone in London. So yes I have experienced worse but not from my child. I feel this is extremely low, I would expect when I challenged my son and asked him to talk to his gf and tell her I’m unhappy with her doing these things in my house, then for him to do what he did. Trying to spit on me, that’s low.

OP posts:
cansu · 18/02/2024 22:43

OK. He was obnoxious and abusive. You stood firm. Him going to a relative is good it will give you all time to calm down.

When he returns you talk to him about what is and isn't OK. I would tell him clearly that if there is any recurrence of this behaviour, he will have to see her outside the house.

Linda42 · 19/02/2024 07:04

Thank you for this, I feel better as this is what i have done. He thinks I have the problem as his thinking I kicked him out, when I told him he couldn’t stay in the house purely because he was screaming abuse and it’s embarrassing and unfair for our neighbours, specially one has just given birth.

OP posts:
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